The Alternative Angler - Olympic Angle

Olympic Angle Well, the Olympics are over for another four years, but at least we have a 'home ' game to look forward to with London 2012. Perfect timing for us to push for some angling events to be added to the list of obscure Olympic challenges. If BMX riding is considered a medal event, then there are plenty of fishing based activities that could be considered. The first raft of these are listed below: International Hide and Seek Teams are pitted against each other in a game of stealth and concealment. The first team of four intrepid anglers are given a twenty-minute head start to don their best camou gear and go and strategically conceal themselves alongside the rowing course. The second team then sets off in an attempt to discover them. A real test of speed and hand/eye coordination, as the 'hunters' have to point out the anglers they find as fast as thy can. Obstacle Course Imagine you all are nice and cosily zipped up in your bivvy when your bite alarm goes off. Another race against the clock as you unzip your sleeping bag, jump into your bivvy slippers, carefully avoiding the pile of plates, cups and bowls leftover from last night's curry, along with the empty beer cans, etc, etc, unzip the bivvy and rush to the rods with tripping over any storm poles or guy ropes, leaping over the stove and/or barbecue to stop the alarm. A timed event, of course, but points can won by remembering to slip on sponsor's T shirt before leaving the bivvy (points deducted if you sleep with it on). And rushing out of the bivvy into the daylight without the obligatory baseball cap and sunglasses could mean instant disqualification Steeplechase Those of you that have ever fished a roving match will have experienced the highly competitive rush for the best swims. All this done whist laden down with tackle, clambering over fences, passing though fields of cows (or are they bullocks…?) The searing memory of the heart pounding, sweat drenching race to get a flyer, only to have the local version of Usain Bolt steam past you is the sort of experience that will drive many on towards a medal in this event. Pole fault A real test of brute strength, and competed over several weight classes. Competitors sit facing a pond and starting with a 16m pole, simply add half metre sections until they can no longer keep the tip from touching the water. Obviously, the heavier the competitor, the more weight and therefore length they can counterbalance. Rigorous drug testing has been applied to this sport to eliminate the use of steroids, but unfortunately several cases of pie-abuse have been discovered. Baitboat racing Given our seafaring heritage and recent clutch of Olympic medals on the water, it should come as no surprise that angling and boating should team up with some brand new events. Sail rigged baitboats will have to be used, as it appears that some anglers have been known to lose boats with engines. On the rowing course, one-man inflatables will paddle up the course with a bait bucket between their knees, empty their load at a pre-determined spot and rush back down the course. This is a free-form event, so marks are awarded for paddling style, and design of boat will also be marked, those using highly inappropriate kid's inflatables decorated with starfish and sandcastles will score highly as will the use of blow up animal shapes such as crocodiles. There is a separate race for those using lorry inner tubes supporting a tin bath and using Tupperware boxes as paddles. Endurance Forget Marathons and Tri-athlon events, this is a real test of stamina that starts around three months before the games kick off. Competitors settle in for a carp fishing session, hopefully there will have been a winner before the closing ceremony, if not it will be held over until the next Games, by which time we must be left with just one angler. Crackerjack A real blast from the past, and a definite nostalgia-fest for some. The competitors balance precariously on a podium and various pieces of tackle are foisted onto them until they either drop something or fall off. You can just imagine the scene, poor individual standing there, arms outstretched while they get loaded up with rod holdall, ruckbag, chair, barrow, nets, unhooking mat, bait bucket(s) coolbox, rod pod, camera, hat(s) etc. etc. Last man standing is the winner. Distance Casting - Still awaiting ratification This should be one of the easiest competitions to stage, but International sporting conventions insist on accurately measuring how far the anglers have cast. Merely stepping up to the line, lobbing out your tackle and telling the judge standing beside you that you've 'just done a 160 yarder, mate' isn't going to work. As any man will confirm, actually having your true length confirmed to a worldwide audience is not going to be easy……..