KEVIN PERKINS


Kevin Perkins is one of those anglers who sees the funny side of everything, and there are plenty of funny goings-on in fishing. But not everybody is able to convey the funny and often quirky nature of fishing. But Kevin can. He’s the Alternative Angler who sees that side of things that most of us miss because we’re too busy going about the serious business of catching fish and often missing the satire and laughs along the way.

Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can.

PERSONAL BESTS – ARE THEY AS GOOD AS YOU THINK?

How big is yours?
It doesn’t matter wherever or whenever anglers meet, it won’t be long before PB’s enter into the conversation. Lets all gather round and see who has had the biggest. Usually the declarations of size are tentative to start with, and you feel you have kick off with a fairly ‘safe’ species – say, a six pound tench.

Do you then sometimes find yourself apologising for the size of yours, qualifying the tale with reference to terrible weather on the day, or that you had misplaced (forgotten!) a vital piece of tackle or bait (had to use the bread out of your sandwiches!). It will now appear that the capture was down to your great skill in overcoming this unseen adversity. Or do you inflate the real weight just a little (or a lot!) so you can keep up with the others?

But the overriding question is ‘Does it really matter that much?’ The answer lies in the time honoured equation of ‘apple divided by pear equals banana’. This is because we don’t appear to take any account of where these PB’s are caught – so how on earth can you begin to compare them? A personal best is exactly that, your very own personal best. It is a record of the biggest fish you have caught, and is, therefore a record for you alone to beat; it does not signify in any way that you are a better or worse angler than the next man.

Angling writers perpetuate the legend
Angling writers are some of the worst at perpetuating this legend. The sleeve note or introductions to many angling books I have read will list the writers ‘Personal Bests’. They may gloss over, or even fail to mention that these same writers may well have been granted preferential access to fisheries in order for them to improve their ‘PB’s to acceptable levels. In fact, celebrity is self-supporting. The more famous an angler becomes, the more likely they are invited to select venues, where the opportunity to increase their ‘PB’s is made easier by the quality of fish that are available.

Of course, if a ‘name’ is successful at said venue, then favourable publicity for both will not be far behind! However, for the rest of us mere mortals, I’m sorry to say that your PB may not be such an impressive figure as you think. Please take time to consider the following: Your biggest carp is a 22-pounder – not bad except you have been camped out at Wraysbury so long that you have been issued with your own postcode! Your biggest barbel is an 8-pounder from a very exclusive (expensive!) stretch of the Ouse ‘above Bedford’ – pretty poor! Your best ever pike is an 18-pounder – fairly weak given that you have trolled up and down Loch Lomond so many times you now appear on Admiralty charts!

How about Venue Records instead?
On the other hand, your PB of a particular species may well be the largest specimen that swims where you go fishing, so not only is it your PB, but also the venue record. Now isn’t that a better way to register these catches as ‘Venue Records’. The match fishing boys have adopted this thinking years ago by recognising section winners. You may not have netted enough to have won the match, but if you have caught every fish in front of you, you have done your very best – haven’t you? Is it not beyond the realms of possibility that the rest of us anglers couldn’t adopt a slightly modified version of this idea for ourselves?


Is it better to have Venue Records?
Most angling clubs and societies keep ‘Best Fish’ lists, surely they could issue a ‘Venue Record’ badge for each species at the end of every year. It shouldn’t be too difficult to have this sponsored by a tackle manufacturer, so that the badges are uniform and instantly recognisable. Clubs, societies and fishery owners could ‘sign up’ to show they were in the scheme – and it could even bring in some extra revenue for lesser-fished waters. (Of course, I realise that should such a scheme be implemented, certain anglers may well look at the ‘Venue Records’ of a particular fishery, and decide there was nothing big enough for them to bother with. In truth, we all know that just because the ‘VR’ may have been the biggest fish to have come out, it doesn’t always follow that it was/is the biggest fish in there!). Anglers might even be encouraged to fish for some of the less ‘fashionable’ species in order to obtain a badge. It is only right and proper that there should of course be a junior section as well, to encourage youngsters to take part.

The simple truth is that if you have managed to catch the largest known specimen from a particular venue, it really can’t get any better – can it? Wouldn’t we all like the opportunity to receive some form of recognition for that fact?

Those of us lesser mortals could then show due deference to anyone wearing ‘The Badge’, as we could, at last, have a nationally recognised achievement. It would mean that John Cadd’s hat would then probably end up looking like the one Noddy Holder used to wear!

Read ‘THE ALTERNATIVE ANGLER’ every Friday!

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