The Alternative Angler

Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh while we’re at it. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can.

How did you start fishing? Seems a straightforward enough question, but what were the influencing forces that got you out there in the first place and what has kept you out there since? Did you enjoy instant success or was just ‘going fishing’ enough for you in the first place? Was it peer pressure from friends, family interest or perhaps you are lucky to have a wealth of fishing on your doorstep?

Another youngster dragged away from the Playstation?

None of us were encouraged or accompanied by our parents; going fishing was seen as just one of those things that young boys did at the time, such as making camps, lighting fires, climbing trees, scrumping apples, conker fights, etc, etc.

Where I live now would have been classed as a fishing paradise in my youth. Within five miles I have a dozen or more lakes (some natural, some man made) one of the better stretches of the Grand Union canal, the River Ouse (upstream of Bedford!) the River Ouzel, and a couple of trout lakes. Currently suffering because we don’t have a carp puddle – yet!

Within a 30 minute car ride south west are venues such as the Thames and its tributaries at Oxford, Blenheim Palace, or to the north we have Pitsford, Ravensthorpe, Sywell and the Nene.

Is the place bursting to the seams with young anglers spoilt for choice and cramming the banks every weekend? Actually, no. It doesn’t seem to be on the ‘young boys agenda’ any more. Is fishing another one of those rites of passage that are falling by the wayside?

If living in an area like ours doesn’t encourage them, what does it take to get them out there? Perhaps the following notes may give some clues:

I know that if I plan to take my almost teenage son fishing, it is a very painful experience, as we have to go to the hospital first. This is to have the PS2 dual shock controller surgically removed from his hands and then have the rod and reel inserted into place. Despite this obviously traumatic and possibly de-motivating experience, he will still go fishing, sometimes.

Those times, of course, cannot clash with football matches, football training, badminton practice, badminton training, football or cricket on the telly, any films he might want to watch, (what happened to using the video?) and no way if his friend is sleeping over, or vice versa. Apart from that, there are no restrictions at all.

Except venue, oh, and methods, apart from that, we’re OK. Doesn’t like the rivers too much, as you have to keep ‘doing things’ to your float. Legering, of course is too boring by half, just watching that rod top all day. And why can’t he have a ‘proper’ rod as he always has to use the spare one, it’s just not fair.

Lakes and ponds are all right as long as we are catching something by float fishing. Legering is allowed on stillwater providing he can play with the bite alarms every now and then to make sure they are still working.

Spinning is definitely not liked at all, as it means he has to hold the rod all day long, and keep casting and keep reeling in, and he never catches anything and we have to keep moving and it’s boring. And I can’t possibly expect him to carry all that heavy gear. And it can’t be raining or too windy or too cold, but apart from that, we’re okay.

And it best not be vegetable soup in the flask, and the sandwiches come in for some pretty close scrutiny, and there had better be crisps (correct type and flavour, of course!) and Penguin bars, or at least some type of biscuit with chocolate on.

Oh, and he either has to catch more fish than me, or failing that his fish has to be bigger than mine. That is always assuming the proposed venue isn’t too far away, so he doesn’t have to repeatedly ask, “Are we there yet?”

So as long as I can arrange that all of the above takes place, he will go fishing, occasionally, if he feels like it. He never asks me, I always have to enquire whether he would like to accompany me. And as for the prospect of going fishing alone or with a friend or two – well that is not very likely to happen while there is only one moon circling the earth.

All this and we haven’t even got properly started on girls – yet. Somehow I don’t think fishing tackle will appear on his Xmas present list this year!