I was surprised to say the least that there were so few comments against my article last month on abolishing the close season (‘What! Abandon The Close Season?’). Not only did I expect hate-mail, but my car hasn’t received any damage, the house hasn’t been daubed with red paint, and my wife isn’t being held hostage against her will (hint-hint!) There were only three comments, all slightly or very sympathetic to the cause and questioning why we still tolerate an outdated custom. I like people who question because it shows they are not thinking along ‘tram lines’ and are prepared to seek better ways of dealing with issues.
 Why not a voting form? |
What I find quite moronic is the current thinking behind this legendary date, June 16th, which seems to possess voodoo properties, transforming normally right minded anglers into resurrected zombies marching as one towards their chosen river swims. By all that’s written you would think it hard to find a single unoccupied peg on the river on opening day morning, yet contrary to all of this misrepresentation, the banks are empty, apart from EA Bailiffs. Yes, there are one or two, but not the hoards, or as it was put in the ‘A Passion For Angling’ video, “…millions of excited anglers are venturing forth…”
Now I read in the weeklies that EA supremo, Mr Dave Clarke, claims that the Agency have carried out a survey of 400 anglers, the results of which are that 50% want to retain the close season. Whilst 35% want it abolished and 15% wondered what they were doing there holding a fishing rod. Do I accept this survey as being representative?
Frankly, NO!
That’s not sour-grapes, since I wouldn’t accept it if it supported my case as there is no information given as to how this survey was conducted, which is highly important when just a small sample of 400 anglers are used. If the survey was carried out by an independent polling company such as Harris, Gallup or NOP, as the political opinion polls are, then I might have a little more confidence in it, but as it stands it doesn’t hold water. When you use small numbers you have to be very selective about who you ask, ie., it must be a good cross-section of anglers based on age, sex, income, and possibly in our case, the venue and style of fishing being carried out.
Even then you can come a cropper, v.v.; the 1992 General Election. All the opinion polls at the time showed Labour leading by a short head and at worst a hung Parliament, great news for Paddy Ashdown who could see himself holding the balance of power. Alas, after the Election itself the nightmare for Labour unfolded as the returns came in and John (soapbox) Major (Con) found himself back in No.10. Poor old Neil Kinnock had to return the Mumm Cordon Rouge back to the off licence for a full refund and it proved that even with all of their skills, professional pollsters can get the result very wrong.
I could carry out a similar survey by visiting a few commercial waters asking 400 anglers the same question and would get completely the opposite view. Similarly, you could walk the length of the Severn and ask 400 anglers whether or not they were members of the Barbel Society and, if not, disregard their opinion. I am reminded of the ‘Yes, Prime Minister’ episode that referred to the taking of polls and if I may parody it:
“Do you think there is a lot of pressure on rivers today from leisure activity?” – “Yes.”
“Do you think nature needs time to recover from ravages of the winter?” – “Yes.”
“Do you think fish should be given time and space to carry out their breeding in peace?” – “Yes.”
“Do you oppose the abolition of the close season?” – “Yes!”
You have to oppose the abolition because your other answers won’t allow any other train of thought. However, if the questions were phrased as follows……
“Are you tired of the ‘nanny-state’ telling you what you can and cannot do?” – “Yes.”
“Are you worried by the number of rivers being lost to clubs by anti-angling Councils?” – “Yes.”
“Are you in favour of abolishing many of the absurd rules imposed upon us?” – “Yes.”
“Are you in favour of abolishing the close season?” – “Yes!”
It might not always work, but nine out of ten anglers will be lead that same way, I assure you! So come on, Mr Clarke, give us some more information on how you carried out the survey because right now, I believe it was contrived so as to allow the EA to do what they always do on sensitive issues – sod all!
A PROPER SURVEY – BETTER STILL A VOTE!
The best opportunity for testing the real feeling of anglers has just been missed, as it was last year, and the year before that, and so on. That is when we buy our Rod Licence. Why couldn’t they have published a voting slip at the bottom of the licence instead of all that rubbish about ticking which box, Coarse or Trout, you want to receive information about should the EA wish to sell your name and address to predatory tackle manufacturers and credit card companies. It doesn’t have to be a secret ballot, I don’t think the clerk behind the Post Office counter gives a damn about the close season unless by some slight chance they are an angler.
It would have been so easy, tick the box yourself; ‘Do you want to abolish the close season’ or ‘Do you want to retain the close season’, or tell the clerk and watch him or her tick the box of your choice. Spoilt papers will not be counted at all and the result from 1 million anglers (or 3 million if you believe the dreamers) could be certified by an independent returning officer. The whole exercise would probably cost far less than the annual EA Christmas junket and it would then be complete, we could all accept the verdict of the nation’s anglers.
Would I accept it? Absolutely. It’s what we call democracy, but what I don’t accept is judgements being taken using a clandestine unqualified survey operated by the EA’s own staff, if that is what has happened. I believe that at the very top of the EA, the political cronies do like to hide behind the apron strings of all the river associations and lobbyists. “If in doubt, do nowt.” is fast becoming the maxim of the EA.
THE GLORIOUS 16TH?
Whilst I am on my soapbox (I promise not to write about this subject again – for a while), what does annoy me today is this saying – ‘The Glorious 16th’. Where did it come from?
I’ll tell you, it’s been hijacked from the gun lobby, well the shooters at least. To be more precise the grouse shooters who always open their season on the 12th of August, hence ‘The Glorious 12th’. The very people that many anglers would have nothing to do with, to hell with the Countryside Alliance, etc, because shooters are involved in the cruel sports along with fox-hunting and killing whereas we return our fish unharmed.
So why steal their expression? Talk about hypocrisy, but then I wouldn’t really want to be associated with grouse shooters either, not because they kill birds, but because… Well, let me tell you a brief story.
Back in the 60’s I was befriended by a chap who was gamekeeper on a local Pennine moor and he invited me to help him on this ‘Glorious 12th’. He had warned me beforehand not to laugh, doff my cap when being spoken to, and always call them ‘Sir’ – even the women. There would be a small reward afterwards, but the experience would be worth far more.
 Lil’barbel |
On the day, about 30 of them, ‘the landed gentry’ you might say, lined up in their bunkers, which I think they called bunds or something. The beaters set about scaring the birds towards the shooters and as the first appeared the noise began. The Battle for Tobruk must have seemed like a quiet walk in the park compared to the din that went on that day for if the first man missed his target bird the 30th man would take a pop. The air was black with lead and the safest place to be was in a pub in Barnsley.
And so it went on all day in fits and starts until more than 3000 cartridges must have been fired off and the final count of birds was around 40. Work it out, it was a 1.5% kill rate. “A poor day, no birds. Flog those damned beaters.” was the common excuse, but in reality they had been given plenty of opportunities, just very bad shots to a man. My gamekeeper mentioned that out of a box of 25 cartridges, he expected 20 kills in order to justify his expenditure, which doesn’t say much for the wallies we served that day.
Why don’t anglers choose a different name for the 16th of June, ‘The Propitious 16th’, ‘The Optimistic / Delightful / Magnificent / Sanguine 16th’, or even the ‘The Matchless 16th’? Perhaps not the last one then, but why should we be so stupid and sheep-like as to steal other peoples adjectives for their opening day. Come on lads, be more original.
THE FINAL CHAPTER
Forget the 16th for now, how did my season end? For once I went fishing on the 14th of March late in the evening. The river was pushing through as it has been for the past 6 months, or so it seemed. So much so that in the weirpool the water was going back upstream along the entire length of the bank.
Do I fish downstream using the upstream legering method as recommended by Trefor West, or do I fish upstream using normal downstream methods with a feeder. Confusing even for someone like me, but to hell with it, there was only a few hours left and the chance of catching anything almost nil. Have a can of drink, sadly non-alcofrolic, and shiver the remainder of the night away.
 Ah well, back to stillwaters |
Surprise, surprise. Tap-tap! A bit of interest and strike – got it! Hardly any fight at all. Possibly a smallish chub, but in the pool of light from a sodium lamp that we have on site I can see it has a barbel-like shape. Indeed, it is a barbel, all of a pound and a half if I bounce the scales a little. The smallest barbel I have caught this season, but always welcome as it shows they are breeding and growing.
Cast in again and sit and wait, and wait, and wait…. About 11:15 a movement along the bank catches my attention out of the corner of my eye. There’s this black thing, bigger than a cat bouncing along towards me and stops about a foot from my foot, if you’ll pardon the homonym. A monster of a mink, all black with, admittedly, a rather cute face and so close I could almost smell his fishy breath.
Isn’t it amazing how stupid we can be at times? I was so incensed by the temerity of this creature I actually lashed out at it with my Harrison Chimera Barbel rod. Crazy or what? Thankfully I missed it and hit fresh air, not that I would have achieved much anyway? After my feeble attempt to scourge it, it leapt over my boots and continued on its way down the bank, but next time this happens I will try to get a picture of it for you – I promise.
It’s the size of it I will never get over. It was big enough to scare a bear, which is probably why we don’t see too many bears in Marlow these days. Shortly afterwards as I was listening to Radio 2 on earphones, I heard ‘Here is the news at midnight on March 15th read by Fran Godfrey…’ That was it, I reeled in (honest I did!!) and the season closed.
