KEVIN PERKINS


Kevin Perkins is one of those anglers who sees the funny side of everything, and there are plenty of funny goings-on in fishing. But not everybody is able to convey the funny and often quirky nature of fishing. But Kevin can. He’s the Alternative Angler who sees that side of things that most of us miss because we’re too busy going about the serious business of catching fish and often missing the satire and laughs along the way.

Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can.

SPINNING AROUND

Spinning (in all its many forms) is a branch of our sport that I seem to do more of, the older I get. In my early days, no self-respecting young angler would set out without his full selection of spinners. This didn’t amount to much, however, as a ‘full set’ usually consisted of one mackerel spinner, one kidney spoon (whatever happened to them? They were the premier pike baits of choice at one time, but now seem to have fallen of the face of the earth) and one Devon minnow.

Now we never set out just to go spinning; this was always something that was a last resort, when nothing else worked. The float or leger would be whipped off, and a spinner tied on, no trace, no swivel, and mainline of around 3lbs bs – weren’t we brave! Well no, because apart from the very rare, obviously suicidal, 2oz perch, nothing came our way. This was also a summer-only distraction, because the one thing spinning in the winter isn’t, is kind to the hands. In the days before thermal and neoprene we only had wool for gloves, and once that gets soaking wet, it’s off to the frostbite clinic for you!

And don’t get me started on fingerless gloves. ‘Keep your hands warm and leave your fingers free’ – bollocks! Keep your hands just above freezing and watch your fingers turn from pink, to white, to blue! In fact, if you do use them for spinning it’s you that will probably end up ‘fingerless!’

Then, perhaps in my late twenties, when I was set on pursuing pike, spinning came to the fore again. Most of my lures were bought from Mr. ABU’s catalogue: Droppen’s, Atoms, Hi-Lo plugs and Toby’s. The fist two were cast about with reckless abandon, the Hi-Lo was one of the adjustable ones that cost the best part of a week’s wages. This would only get an outing if there were absolutely no snags in the water, no trees or bushes within 200 yards, and no fish that I might catch that would run off with it!


“…..once you start collecting them, you never seem to have enough.”
That left the Toby’s, and the start of an obsession. Still wouldn’t set off from home armed only with the lures. They were only deployed if the pike fishing was slow, errr.. that was just about four hours into every session then! Usually after a few hours one of the deadbait rods would be reeled in, leaving just one mackerel tail out (another obsession – never feel happy when I’m pike fishing unless I’m sitting behind a ‘mack’) and the lure fishing would begin. Five or six plugs would get about three casts each, same with a similar number of spoons, might just give the Mepps or Droppen’s a go, and then on would go a gold Toby for the rest of the session. I have had Toby’s in the water so long they have got barnacles!

And the success rate was….. pathetic. I have fished Toby’s ten times more than any other lure, and caught less fish with them than anything else in the box. I know they cast a long way, look great on the retrieve, but apparently do nothing to any pike they might have flashed past. So a few years ago I kicked the habit and consigned them to the bottom of the lure box. At first anyway, then I got really brave and finally went spinning without them at all.

My hardest choice now is which lures to take, because once you start collecting them, you never seem to have enough. If you do find a pattern that works, you have to buy two more identical ones in case one gets lost (and possibly in one or two alternative colours, just in case!).

More and more these days my first line of attack is a small ‘Big S’ type plug, the ones that look like pregnant goldfish. I have great faith in these, as perch, chub and pike will take them quite readily. Imagine the difficulty I had when shown a display card with over twenty of these little darlings on it. Which one to choose, they all look good to me, what if the ones I take are not as good as the ones I leave on the card, or perhaps I will pick the wrong colour. Decisions, decisions

“my first line of attack is a small ‘Big S’ type plug, the ones that look like pregnant goldfish.”
I know, I thought, rashly suggest to the man in the shop that I take the lot – for a discount, of course. He doesn’t seem to hesitate too long, as the plastic is swiped in a blur and the next thing I know I’m standing outside the shop, clutching a bag full of plugs.

Now, I get home with my new toys, only to find I have got far too many to fit into my lure box. An agonising time is spent trying to decide which ones to leave out. The contents of the box is emptied out, shuffled, filled again, but still too many ‘favourites’ on the garage floor. Then, finally, commonsense prevails, so I sort out the ‘probables’ from the ‘possibles’. Put one lot in the lure box, and buy another box for the others! Now they can all come along, even found room for one or two Toby’s that I found buried away. They’ve cleaned up nicely, and with new trebles, they really look the bizz. Might give them a go if all else fails next trip…..

And finally……Jerk baiting. Well, I see the reasoning behind gainfully employing articles that would otherwise sit in the loft for 50 weeks of the year, ie, the Christmas tree decorations. But the commotion some of these monstrosities cause may make surrounding anglers feel that the name refers more to the angler than the lure!

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