| KEVIN PERKINS | |
Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can. |
ADVERTISE-MEANT? There are times when I read and see things in the media and wonder if I am alone in questioning just what is going on. I know the ‘camo’ thing is done to death (didn’t stop a recent AM article containing a couple of vague opinions but bugger-all in the way of research), but below is a copy of picture advertising a boat in a fishing magazine. No problem there, except that there is apparently a ‘special’ version available with camo pattern seats  I looked good and hard for a while, and then consulted the calendar to ensure I haven’t been in a coma, and that April 1st had come round again. Now, I know there are some anglers who credit the particular species of fish that they target with far more intelligence than they probably possess, in order to make their eventual capture appear more worthy, but CAMO SEATS! Unless I am very much mistaken, and all those years of mucking about with girls at the back of the science class were a total waste, a boat floating on the surface will be positioned above the fish, meaning that they will be below it (blindingly obvious, I know, but….) and I vaguely recall something about light rays being bent through diffraction, but fish being able to see (or not, due to the excellent camouflage) up through the water and over the gunwales to espy the seats in a boat, I have my doubts. Of course, if the fish were equipped with periscopes, then It makes sense, although, if someone in the boat is sitting on the seat, an eminently advisable, procedure when afloat, I always find, then the piscine quarry won’t be able to see what colour/pattern the seat is anyway. And if said person is standing up in the boat they are going to be far more visible than said seat, camo covered, or not. And if the seat is silhouetted against the sky, shouldn’t it be in blue or grey to allow it to merge into the background? Or it is deeper than that, and perhaps a pointer to fish development In the future. We have F1 and now F2 carp, when we get to F14, will they be flying fish…?  – a Terry’s Chocolate Orange fished over a spodded bed of Milk Tray? Second offering comes from a respected car magazine (not one of the one’s with half naked girls draped over bonnets) and is a light hearted example to explain the winning feeling you get from triumphing at online betting. One very happy, winning angler display his fabulous catch (not quite sure what bait you use for mermaids – perhaps a Terry’s Chocolate Orange fished over a spodded bed of Milk Tray, something in a Prada rather than a PVA bag, maybe you could deploy a Chanel No. 5 fragranced glug) whilst the other two chaps look less than happy with the results of their labours, and that appears to be the capture of two fairly small, very dead pike. So, from this you can probably draw the conclusion that pike anglers are viewed as losers……although, of course, the downcast anglers won’t have lost as much as the pike appear to have done in the making of this ad.  The third example is a bold piece of re-branding designed to convince us that the Chevrolet Lacetti Station Wagon Sport is just the ticket for us great outdoors fishing types, far more so than it ever was if it was still called the Daewoo Lacetti Station Wagon Sport. It invites us ‘sporty’ types to just chuck our landing nets, bait boxes, gaff rods and beach casters in the back, and away we go. Errr… gaff rods..? Now, I am fairly long in the tooth, but like to think I can keep up with most of the modern angling trends, but this branch of fishing called gaff rodding has completely slipped under my radar. Perhaps these gaff rods come in matched pairs, in 2.25, 2.50 and 2.75lb TC, and given the current rod naming trends would probably be called something like the ‘Disemboweller’. Maybe it is a sea-fishing thing, (although if it is, what was the ad doing in Angling Times) given that beach casters are mentioned although that wouldn’t explain the landing nets, so I remain perplexed by it all. And if I’m confused (yes, I know, not difficult!) by incorrectly portrayed angling terms, what about the general public? Perhaps I am being particularly pedantic, but is it asking too much of the bright young things that dream up the copy for these adverts to spend a little time paying attention to details when it involves angling? I am sure that they wouldn’t put out glossy ads extolling the virtues of a particular make of golf stick for instance, for fear of incurring the wrath of everyone in a fifty mile radius of Wentworth, and you can be sure that those green-blazered generals and colonels of the LTA would spit out their gin and tonics if they opened up the Sunday supplements to see flowery descriptions of our heroic British tennis players hoping to serve up plenty of aces with their tautly strung bats. But it seems when it comes to advertisements and fishing, accuracy isn’t deemed necessary to try and sell you something…is it? |
