| KEVIN PERKINS | |
Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can. |
| TICKLETYME The imagineering department at TickleTackle are always allowed a bit of slack at Xmas time in order that they can come up with some slightly more light-hearted and certainly seasonal products that may well find favour as presents for those hard to please loved ones. FyshPyx First up, and an obvious stocking-filler is this brand new digital camera specifically aimed at anglers. It’s waterproof, of course, but only has a modest amount of mega pixels, and to make it almost idiot (angler!) proof, it has far fewer ‘bells and whistles’ than most cameras today. What makes it very attractive to fisher-folk is the clever piece of software that comes with it. This allows the beaming angler and his catch to be ‘cut out’ of the picture and seamlessly transposed onto a substitute bankside background. On the one hand, of course, it completely disguises where the fish was caught, thus protecting anonymity. On the other hand, the instantly recognisable background templates supplied are sponsored by fishery owners and clubs who would like people to think that fish of that size were available to catch in their waters. One further piece of digital trickery allows you to superimpose a selection of manufacturer’s logos onto hats and clothing, this will come in very handy if you are trying to win sponsored prizes from a particular brand…….. RunChymes 2 Following on from the lead set by the very successful ‘RunChymes’, which allowed you to download Xmas carols to play on your bite alarms, comes the updated version. Using the latest digital technology this links your bite alarm to your mobile phone, and when you get a run, the alarm tone becomes your ring tone, immediately alerting you that you are in business. Obviously this has huge advantages over traditional remote alarm set-ups because now distance from your rods is no object. Subject to service limitations and providing you have a tri-band phone, technically, you could be anywhere in the world. As well as alerting you audibly, the bite alarm also transmits a text message giving you its GPS co-ordinates. This is just in case you really have gone a very long way off, and have trouble finding your way back. LureMynous & TynSell Following the welcome news that the government is probably going to give the go-ahead for more nuclear fishin’ projects (well it sounded like that) and taking the theme of ‘glow in the dark’ fake baits, the TT boffins have come up with two new products, and LureMynous is the first of which is a breakthrough for those whose chosen extreme sport is all-night lure fishing.
These lures have had a radioactive coating sprayed on (using ozone friendly propellant, of course!) which has a half-life of several hundred years, it certainly won’t wash off during use. If you are at all worried, there is the option of ex-Iraq conflict NBG suits, and these all-over one piece suits will be soon be available in colours other than screaming yellow. Now you can see where you are casting, even in total darkness, a positive boon for those masochists who insist on using a multiplier. You can watch your lure during the retrieve, and if it disappears on the way back – then strike! It must be in a fish’s gob! And obviously being able to see the lure as it approaches saves you from inadvertently winding all of the rod rings down to the reel, which is never the best way to find that you have reached the end of that particular retrieve. TynSell The second new venture is TynSell, which gives you irradiated bait, sealed in a lead can, with positively no sell by date. They will come in a multitude of flavours and colours, and never mind ‘shelf life’ these will last longer than the shelves they sit on! Nothing will be out of season; just imagine, you can introduce fish to a whole new array of ‘natural’ baits, (no artificial flavours, additives, or chemicals, other than uranium), using flavours that trigger Yuletide memories. Old-time scents and flavours that were only ever experienced during the Twelve Days of Xmas are now available in boilie or pellet form. Standards such as Roasted Chestnut, Mince Pie, Advocaat, Two-Week-Old Turkey Curry, Port and Lemon, Brazil Nut, Candied Peel, Newberry Fruits, etc, etc, will now be available all year round, and of course, they all glow in the dark, too….. NytroBoat Still top-secret and the subject of a little more fine-tuning by the development department, is the Nitrous Oxide powered bait boat. If you want to bait up a swim in a hurry, this is the tool for you. Will cover a quarter of a mile in four seconds, and at the moment, that is the problem, because it then goes out of range, and can’t be stopped/turned round. Encourage your local fishery owner to erect arrester nets until remote control signal-boosting pylons can be sited around the perimeter of you favourite fishing haunt. ReallyTwee And finally, the ReallyTwee clothing division has entered into the festive spirit with a strictly limited edition range of outdoor wear in the all-new ‘Holly and the Ivy’ camou pattern which comes with detachable red berries for you to position where you think best. Those of you who are not lucky enough to get their hands on a set of this season’s ‘must have’ range will get another chance in January when the ‘Bare Twig’ camou pattern range is launched. |
