Kevin Perkins is one of those anglers who sees both the funny and darker side of life, and there are plenty of funny and dark goings-on in fishing. He’s the Alternative Angler who sees that side of things that most of us miss because we’re too busy going about the serious business of catching fish and often missing the strange, the satirical, and the plain comical along the way.
Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the whacky side of fishing life and grab a laugh or a lament along the way.
News Peruse
I’ve been away from my keyboard for a while, (that’s a relief, some will say…!) so I thought it was high time for me to cast my jaundiced eye over what’s been happening lately…….
Angling Truss
Firstly, there’s the news we’ve all been waiting for, the launch of something that will finally give fishermen all the support they need – The Angling Truss.
I must admit that I have only briefly scanned through the details, but it seems if you cough up the miserly sum of just £ 20 per year the Angling Truss will take all your problems in hand and deal with them. Almost 40,000 have given their support already, and this is a wholly British affair, none of that cheap knock-off import rubbish from the Far East. This means plenty of homegrown employment opportunities, which is just what we need in these times of economic downturn.
And like I said, I’ve only managed to speed read through the details, but I can’t see anywhere if the Angling Truss will come in a variety of colours (the choice of camou pattern should be included, of course) but It is quite obvious from the blurb that they intend to make it a one size fits all solution…
Jimmy Bullard
What’s an ex Fulham now Hull Premier League footballer got to do with fishing, you may ask. Well, apart from JB being a thoroughly nice bloke, you may or may not know that he is also a mad keen angler, and used angling to help him convalesce during a recent prolonged injury. (Although moving to Hull may not have exactly broadened his scope too much when it comes to places to fish).
Strikes me this he is just the sort of chap that could be used as an ambassador for our sport, an ideal role model for young kids and the halo effect of Premiership stardust would do angling no harm at all. Far better for a tackle company to have him sponsoring a range of their gear than someone like that retired, not really that famous, ex-sportsman Dean Macey, I would have thought.
Then again, imagine the scene as you have set up all your brand new, JB sponsored gear when your mate walks past.
‘Wow’ says your mate. ‘That’s’ some great looking new gear you’ve got there. What is it?
‘It’s Bullard’s’ you reply.
‘That’s a shame’ says your mate…’Especially when it looks the dog’s doo-dahs..’
Babel – Fish
A ‘Tomorrow’s World’ prediction for the future says a recent headline in the national press, the Babel-Fish translating machine. Imagine that, a device that lets you understand what fish are saying, and might even be able to allow you to talk back…!
First of all, let’s try and imagine what the fish would be saying: –
‘Oh no, not halibut pellets – again. I hate fish, I do.’
‘I do hope that chap is using stone ground, unbleached flour in that piece of flake he’s chucked out.’
‘What about that new carp that just turned up here the other day, can’t understand a word they’re saying, some sort of foreign language if you ask me.’
‘Watch out for that bloke, second from the left on the far bank. He’s using gear that’s at least three seasons old.’
‘I just wish they would stop dying the sweet corn different colours, it makes it so difficult to find.’
And then again, what would we say to the fish:
‘Oi you little buggers, leave that bait alone, it’s not for you, it’s your big brother/sister I’m after.’
‘Please pick up my hookbait, pleeeese, aw, go on, you know you want to, I’ll be your friend, PLEEEEEEEESE………..’
‘Let me catch you and I’ll make you a star, pictures in the papers, plenty of attention, all the bait you can eat.’
But on further reading, it turns out that the proposed universal language translator is named after an imaginary device featured in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Shame really, because I would have thought we have quite a few Dr. Doolittle types on here, who are more than proficient at talking to things that aren’t exactly human……..
