Swearing therapy on the Dove ruined by Yorkie
During a fairly recent session on the river Dove Eddie and I had to be on our best behaviour. We were fishing with the Reverend Stewart Bloor (Sedge to his mates) and it wasn’t easy to control the usual flow of profanity that we rather naively call communication. 
But we solved the problem by nipping off every hour or so for swearing therapy, where we’d just stand and curse each other until we felt better, and then went back to the fishing.
It turned out to be a complete waste of time though, for along comes Yorkie, a nice bloke who we’ve met along the stretch before. So picture the scene… Me, Ed and Sedge are stood together having a chat (me and Ed having just returned from therapy and feeling much better) when Yorkie comes along and stops for a chat…..
‘Ave yer chuffin’ ‘ad anythin’?’ Asks Yorkie in an accent straight from ‘Last of the Summer Wine’.
‘We’ve had a couple. You done anything lately?’ I reply.
(Now slip a few ‘F’ words in place of a few chuffings and you’ll get the picture).
‘Chuffin’ ‘ad anythin’? I’ve ‘ad a few yes, but me, I’m just glad to chuffin’ be ‘ere. Lovely innit? Work all chuffin’ day and then come ‘ere, it’s all I chuffin’ want to do. I can sit ‘ere all chuffin’ day and let the world go chuffin’ by. It’s a chuffin’ lovely bit of river innit. Chuffin’ lovely. What more could a chuffin’ man want when ‘e’s bin to chuffin’ work all day? Some of these chuffin’ lads that want to be chuffin’ catchin’ big ‘uns all the time don’t know what they’re chuffin’ missin’……..’
Course, Stewart took it all in good part but it was still somewhat embarrassing.
Ed and I couldn’t resist going down the river to him later and telling him that he’d been effing and blinding to the Reverend Bloor. And that was a mistake as well.
‘Why didn’t yer chuffin’ tell me! There was me effin’ and chuffin’ blindin’ at the top of me chuffin’ voice, and all the chuffin’ time……….’
Behind the scenes at the Atcham Fish-in
Gary Knowles, better known as Barney Ribble on the Mailing List, caught most barbel at the recent fish-in on the Severn. But what’s not widely known is that the Sweet Prince (Eddie) baited up for him all the previous day. 
Sweet Prince made a huge sacrifice, for he religiously fed hemp and caster into the swim he was saving for Barney, and kept it up all day long, deliberately not catching anything, and sleeping for the odd ten minutes every five minutes, so he could resist casting in and catching anything.
But it was all worth it when Barney had to kiss the Prince’s ring at the Barbeque.
Mr Wriggles Top **** Trophy for the Editor
Yours truly was recently presented with a prestigious award for services above and beyond the call of duty. 
Groundbait company Mr Wriggles donated the trophy, the first of its kind, for being Top **** in the year 2000. No detail was spared – note the FISHINGmagic cap on the trophy figure.
The award is in recognition of a great effort in terrible conditions and has nothing to do with being an ‘orrible person.
Mr Wriggles (Dave Dowding) commented. ‘There were some valiant efforts, specially from Dave Colclough who ate his way through three helpings of cod and chips the day before, but Graham won easily following six cans of lager and a special vegetarian Vindaloo.
Graham said, ‘Nobody will realise just how much sacrifice and suffering I endured to win this trophy. Now I’m in training to make sure I retain the trophy in 2001. I’m growing broad beans in my garden and my staple diet is now baked beans on toast and Boddingtons.
Doing it in style
Mr Wriggles leaves no stone unturned in his constant search for comfortable and refined fishing. 
He is doing his best to break the habit of drinking bitter from a gallon jar, but so far he’s failed. Credit where it’s due though for now he drinks whisky from a collapsible plastic glass if somebody hides the bottle.
When he turned up for a recent bream fishing session down Suffolk the smirk on his face as the armchair was produced with a flurry, and then the table, the bottle and the glass, and then the flowers, had to be seen to be believed.
Now that’s taking things just that bit too far. I haven’t got one of those armchairs yet.
