Swans

[Warren 'Hatrick' (Wol) Gaunt]

If its the same guy i think your on about Graham i was only talking to him from the other side of the till in a tackle shop last week. He's got recipes for everything!

 

[GrahamM]

That's the one Warren. Swan-upping takes on a whole new meaning!

 

[Kevan Farmer]

Blimey, Graham, Warren it sounds like a certain Mr Taylor to me. Can't be though as he doesn't work in tackle shop still or does he? I know he used to have one - with his brother? Anyway, hes seems to have a recipe for everything from hedgehog to squirrel to all sorts of waterbird. Not Canada geese though, they taste horrible apparently a vial fishy taste.

By the way Neil. When we have our trip if there are any swans around I'll shoe you how to get rid of them, I'm not one bit fearful of them. They are wild creatures and as soon as they know who is master they are off.

Kevan

 

[Cakey]

kevan
how do you keep your feet dry if you shoe em off?

 

[Curly]

I'll look forward to that Kevan. Anything to get rid of the buggers.

 

[Kevan Farmer]

Easy Cakey, that's my secret. I stand on the dry bank and chuck my smelly trainers at them. Nothing hangs around when I take my trainers off except for the atomic mushroom cloud.

Nah, seriously the answer is to develop a good hiss. You know the way swans hiss at you if you even if you just glance at them? Well a good loud hiss at them to start with sets up who is boss and they swim off. It has never failed me yet. I still chuck some bits of bread or something for them in the next swim though because I actually like swans.

Kevan

 

[Mike Parker]

Kevan, your all heart and a big softy

 

[Stuart Dennis]

Kevan, would there be any chance that you could record this hiss? It’s obviously more of a dominant hiss than a standard mating hiss that you impersonate. Do you specialise more in the male or the female hiss when you perform this ritual. Are there any special body movements applied to the hiss when in full demonstration mode? Have you perhaps thought of marketing this hiss of yours or in fact putting it forward for copyright or patent registration? Is your hiss readily available today on open market? Is it perhaps disguised in one of those new PVA or Braid boxes that Fox have recently brought out? Will you look to sell it at a fair price for coarse fisherman and then add 20-30% for carp fisherman?

I think you are onto something here with this Hiss and I for one would be happy to invest in its future, what do you think guys?

 

[Stuart Dennis]

Sorry Kevan, just couldn't resist it mate! I had this picture in my head of you standing in front of the mirror the night before a fishing session and practising your personal hiss!

Are you mad Kevan?

There’s Cakey with his gorilla impression when sleeping, you with your swan impressions, Graham with his wallet moths, Rik with his bum guitar! Anyone I've forgot?

Sorry Graham, I forgot, please accept my apology for adding humour; I don't know what came over me there for a minute!

 

[Cakey]

Stuart
Now tell everybody how comes I was awake to take one of the best sunrise pictures ever seen by man!


Some titles for Kevans recordings:-
hissin in the wind
hissin in the snow
Foxhiss
its in his hiss
hiss-story

 

[Fred Bonney]

Couldn't we download it, another special for the video clip library!!

 

[Kevan Farmer]

The knack to hissing is all in starting it well low down in the throat. Difficult to describe in words but it's sort of like forcing a gorgon like noise from the depths of your lungs. BEWARE!!! Do not attempt this when small children are present, they tend to cry for hours and personally I'd rather put up with swans or even PETA protesters than crying kids. Well, I have 3 children and none were crying brats thank god

Oh, one other little warning, when attempting the famous hiss make sure it's deep and loud and long. Slight variations will have every female swan batting their eyelids at you for the rest of the session.

Wendy, you may not want to try this as it may have an adverse effect on the male swans, I'm sure you get my meaning...

Kevan

 

[Kevan Farmer]

I've just had another thought. For those who are hissingly challenged - unable to get the right pitch that is. You could try a bait boat loaded with my old socks. I can easily package them and sell them.

Kevan

 

[Clive Evans]

Cakey,
One or two you 'mhissed':
Hiss 'n tell.
Hiss and huddle.
Hisstrionics- (science of)
Swanaway, by Whats-hiss-name.
The Lhisst goes on!

Kevan, ''Gorgon-like''.Where have you heard this? Does she know your pet name for her?