MiB III (Men into Barbel)

MiB (Men into Barbel)

I was a little apprehensive as I met up with Graham Elliott on a very wet Tuesday morning at the old Throop Mill. After all he is a very accomplished guide and barbel catcher as can be evidenced from Claudia’s recent and very successful trip with him. Graham had also bid a very tidy sum for this day on Throop. The cash went to the very worthy cause that is the Norwich & District Youth Diabetes Group and formed part of the James Farrow Memorial. I needn’t have worried for we immediately launched into typical angler’s chat as we got the gear together and made our way down to the main river

But just as this write up was going to press, I received the following transcripts of telephone conversations recorded by…. Well, put it this way, I have friends in high places…

Transcript 1 – 11:32am Tuesday 5th August 2008

GE Good morning Sir. I need some info and pretty quick too!

‘S’ Morning, what d’ya want to know?

GE Well, I’m on this charity day down on the Stour. Paid a stack of money to fish with that bloke Maidment, he now tells me he hasn’t had a single bar…….

‘S’ Whoa! Hang on; you know the Society rules, make sure the line is secure before mentioning ‘the’ word!

GE Yeah OK, switching to secure. Right, anyway, he now tells me he’s not caught a single barbel this season! Incredible! He fishes the Stour and the Avon as well!

‘S’ Wow, that’s impossible, mind you; he’s not one of us is he. We tried to recruit him up on the Severn last year but failed. Something about no smilies on the forum.

GE Yeah, that’s the one. Anyway, he’s put me in this swim, down from the weir, opposite the old river. What can you tell me?

‘S’ Know it well! Hang on; I’ll just call up the Society’s database. Yeah, not a bad choice at all. As it happens there’s three of our finest right in front of you. Tricky ones though, don’t come out that often but one is well into the teens, very pale fish and should be somewhere just downstream on the inside.

GE We saw her! Well he did, I didn’t have my Polaroids and it was chucking it down with rain.

‘S’ No Polaroids! That’s a mandatory warning, any more of that and you’ll feel the wrath of the Society’s disciplinary board.

GE Yeah, I know. Sorry!

‘S’ Right, set your receiver up; I’ll upload an image of your swim and the standard underwater terrain map to your mobile. If you want the 3D version you’ll have to take out the Gold Standard Membership but we’ll chuck in the catch reports since the 16th for free.

GE Receiver? Oh, the Society ‘brolly’…… hang on.

GE Who took that picture? That’s amazing!

‘S’ Good init! “J” took it 10 minutes ago, he’s field testing the Society’s new camo pattern, looks as though it works! The other data comes from ‘M’ and ‘F’, they’ve been ‘in country’ since 16th June. They were just behind you a few minutes ago.

GE: But there’s only a herd of cows in that field……

‘S’: Told you they were good…. OK, now then, these Stour fish are cagey but standard Society tactic 53(b) should get them interested. Pellets or boilies, your choice.

GE: Uh, I’ve got Tares!

‘S’: Tares!! Good God, you know the Society hasn’t fully sanctioned them yet. Did he see you use them?

GE: Well, probably, but I’ve given him some of those red boilies, you know, those herring ones. I think he believed me.

‘S’: Right, OK, got to go now, just getting a call from ‘LS’, something about spy planes over the Trent. Let me know how you get on and for God’s sake, be careful out there!

Transcript 2 – 14:49pm Tuesday 5th August 2008

GE: It’s me again. I’ve had loads of little knocks and touches but nothing really definite. But I’ve just fluked a fish….I’m uploading an image…any ideas?

‘S’: Right, got it. Mmmm.. I think they call it a Chub. Supposedly quite a few down there and they go to 8lb+ apparently.

GE: Oh right, so at 5.12 it’s not too shabby then? He’s also had one as well but a lot smaller.

‘S’: Look you’re obviously struggling down there, get your mind off the St Pats Stream and concentrate on that inside line. Tell you what, I’ll get ‘PR’ to drop by, he’s the Society’s local trouble shooter and he’ll put you right.

GE: Oh bugger……..

Transcript 3 – 21:15pm Tuesday 5th August 2008

GE: That ‘PR’ is a big bloke! You should have heard him thumping down the path. I think he trod on a dog judging by the amount of yelping and yapping going on. Anyway his Edam cheese & pickle specials didn’t work either. At least it stopped raining and I managed another little oddity…I’m told it was a roach, whatever that is. Maidment moved up to the weir swim and has been busy plundering the eel population, whatever he’s using, the eels love it. He reckons he saw a big dog otter trot over the weir sill as well

‘S’: That was no otter, that was ‘FB’, he’s the Society’s roving reporter, always looking for a new angle on a story. Get yourself off home, have a good nights sleep and back on the Kennet for the weekend, the barbel are more obliging on there mate!

Well, despite or because of the above, I would like to thank Graham for a very entertaining day out and indeed for his generosity with his winning bid. Although we failed in our efforts to land a Stour barbel, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Thanks Graham, you’re a gent. I always thought the ‘Society’ was more League of Gentlemen rather than Men in Black!