Swordsy’s DVD Action on the Tidal Trent

Swordsy’s DVD Action on the Tidal Trent

I have been writing for the angling press in one capacity or another for a few years now; I have done straight up session articles, instructional articles, species related articles and downright fictional articles.

There isn’t really that much that I haven’t done in print.

This year however I have gone one further by deciding to try another media genre, ie, the fishing DVD. I was asked by Bob Roberts and Chris Ponsford if I fancied a crack at appearing in their films as a guest fisherman. Being the shrinking Violet that I am I couldn’t resist!

Chris Ponsford and the Original Video Company were first inline and they decided that the Tidal Trent offered what they wanted, which was a look at how I tackle a large river like the Trent. The film crew was due to arrive very early in the morning but what with one thing or another they were delayed, Chris arrived first followed shortly by Tom the Cameraman and Dave the Roadie. I know they were aware of the size of the river before they arrived but I still don’t think they were prepared for what faced them.

Skylined at Collingham

I was on a flyer peg and had already got four fish under my belt, but my nerves were starting to fray as I knew that catching early morning would be the key. Catching at night is easy but that is no good to a film crew, and I was catching very nicely indeed without any sign of a camera appearing. I began to fear that the fish would simply stop feeding before the camera came out to play. Luckily, my fears were unfounded!

I had banked eight fish when Tom finally got the lens in my face. A lot of interest was directed at my rigs, which were a million miles away from what they were used to using, the River Great Ouse being their usual stamping grounds. Nothing against the RGO but it is little more than a Saturday night on the lager ‘leak’ in comparison to the Trent.

Dave the crew-hand-type bloke was stuck for words when he saw the 6oz ‘Fisky’ (as in Paul Fisk’s Fantastic Feeders, FFF’s or just plain old Fisky’s feeders). When I told him they were relatively small and that during a flood they would almost double in size he really did think that I was a Northern monkey taking the Mickey. I then produced other homemade and ‘Fisky’ feeders going up to 11oz. He stayed quiet after that!

Rods

The rods I chose to fish with were the Fox 15 foot 2.75lb TC Extremis and the hand-made Mark Tunley 12 foot Flood – well, mine is a prototype and is called ‘The ‘Flood’ but the retail rods will simply be renamed, as ‘Flood’ is kind of restrictive and doesn’t do them justice. ‘Turbo-charged Chimera’ is closer to the mark as they are based on the Harrison Chimera II blank with some Torrix technology and other things thrown into the pot. The ‘Mark Tunley’ is a really awesome rod and gave me what I was looking for when I purchased the Grey’s Prodigy Barbel in 1.75 TC, which are a fantastic light barbel rod but fall away somewhat on the tidal Trent in my opinion. Something that the extra oomph of the ‘Mark Tunley’ guaranteed wouldn’t happen.

The 6oz leads were thrown with ease and the snap of the action and lack of lag in the compression guaranteed accuracy in the cast even for somebody like me that has the accuracy of an American fighter pilot at times.

Bait

Like I said, the fishing was steady and very soon they had all the catch footage they would need in the can. The barbel were unable to resist the Teme-Severn Lamprey mini mix and CSL combination. Hookbaits were 2x4mm Elips pellets hair rigged to size 14 Drennan Super Specialist hooks with an extra long 5ft fluorocarbon hooklengths completing the set-up.

Lee with a schoolie barbel

Hooklength

I think that they thought the specifics of the hooklength were a tad too much and chose to fish their own way, but soon came over for a bit of Kryston’s Incognito fluoro when I raced into an unassailable lead of 12-1!

A virtuoso performance from the Fat Midlander

I pulled my foot off the gas after that and concentrated on making sure they got their own catch footage done and filmed all the little cutaways that are vital in a film.

Filming with Chris Ponsford was always going to be more about laughing than catching and so it was proven as the ‘Fat Midlander’ gave a virtuoso performance in fishing entertainment. I really must get out with him more often!

Plotting the assassination of Robert Mugabe

We chatted for hours on subjects as diverse as the Barbel Society and how he would like to assassinate Robert Mugabe. All in good fun though with his tongue wedged firmly in his cheek!

Dave the Roadie, who was fishing the peg above me, caught some really nice fish and was totally bowled over by the river; I think that he will be back – reloaded with big leads and ready to rock and roll!

I left for home early the next morning as I was due back on the river with Bob Roberts the day after and a shower and shave were high on my list of things I must do.

The next day…….

Bob and Stuart Walker arrived at my place at 3am the next morning and the first thing we did was watch the edited highlights of the ‘Barbel Days and Ways’ DVD.

Now I have watched a lot of the DVD’s out there (and slept through a few too) but this one is going to be special as they are not on a budget with time. They have literally hours upon hours of footage to edit and distil into a final and finished product that will be without a shadow of a doubt very, very special!

The underwater footage is unique as far as I am concerned, but I won’t say anymore as I don’t want to spoil the surprise, but this DVD should be on everyone’s list of things to buy!

Anyway, less of that and more about the fishing. We set off down the M1 and within an hour were unloading what seemed to be an impossible amount of tackle that needed porterage down to the riverside. Once down on the bankside I set about preparing my mini-mix feed which is in fact three parts mini-mix to one part stick mix (All Teme Severn…all available online) with a good splash of CSL and barbel activator mix.

All set, fingers crossed, and ready for the barbel

The rods were the same as before, the feeders changed to 4oz instead of 6oz.

The cameras were set up on tripods between the two rods and the baitrunners set tight to accentuate the bites which they were hoping to capture.

All I had to do now was cross my fingers!

“Any bets on how long we will have to wait for the first bite Lee?” asked Bob.

This is the tricky bit…catching for the camera!

“Ten minutes!” Try to look calm and keep your poker face on Lee, I thought to myself.

Nine minutes and seventeen seconds later (I had a watch) the left hand rod slammed over into an impossible angle and the Delkim screamed blue murder (I must remember to turn them down!) as a very indignant barbel tried to eject that last mouthful of breakfast.

Days and Ways Video Clip (courtesy Stuart Walker and Bob Roberts)

A schoolie barbel of about 5lb soon graced the net, much to the comical disgust of Bob who said I played and netted my fish like a matchman! Next time could I add a bit of oomph to the scrap and maybe a bit of splash drama at the net. Oh those fateful words!

Glug, glug, glug!

I was soon playing my second fish with Stuart in his ‘chesties’ capturing the drama of the fight. Stuart was totally absorbed in the scrap and he didn’t see the drop-off. Oh the drama! (Glug, glug, glug!). Luckily the camera case was a professional job and even though Stuart got very wet, not a single camera was injured during the making of this film!

Lee with another good chub

Fish after fish after fish came thick and fast to the net. The thought of a film shoot seemingly irresistible to them. And not only the fish were enamoured by the thought of appearing in a film, the local girls seemed quite keen as well! About 2:30 pm two girls (well one was for sure, the other one I’m not too sure!) seemed especially keen to appear on film and they were looking for the ‘famous’ bloke. With the camera pointing at me they initially got the wrong end of the stick.

At that time Greg Whitehead of Angling Times had phoned Bob up and asked him to get a shot of the weirpool so Bob had gone up to the weir to get him a few shots.

As everyone with a half a brain knows, at this time of year Weirs and Weirdos go together like doggy poo and blue bottles. And my God this proved true that day!

Shortly after Bob returned a local on a bike pulled up and shouted at Bob, “Hey Bob, Adopt, Adapt, Improve!”

The girls quickly (again luckily for me) caught on that Bob was the ‘star’ and not myself, especially when the bloke asked Bob to autograph his forehead (I think he said head but I couldn’t be sure for laughing).

The local posse stuck around till evening and a good time was had by all.

Night fell and the fishing improved (if that was possible) with a lot of good chub moving in. I had four for a smidge less than 20lb, and Bob had the biggest at 5lb 4oz.

The Tawny and Barn Owls were on form, screaming and shouting at each other as they terrorized the rodent population and the bats appeared in their hundreds to chase down the moths, midges and mosquitos. It was a fantastic show of wildlife and one that anyone would feel privileged to witness; these creatures of the night didn’t instil any fear in us at all.

But things can change!

It was about 2am when we heard the blood curdling cries for the first time!

“Whoo-hooooo!” A faint and distant screech echoed down the breeze “Whooo-hoooooo!”

Oh God no! The reality struck home like a cold knife to the heart. It was getting closer… “….Bobby!….Av yer seen our twins me duck?”

Oh god, no ! The girls were back!

And so it was, the girls had gone home and got changed for their ‘photo shoot’, picking up a nice bottle of Chilean Red on the way and a half kilo of skunk (most of which seemed to have been burned).

Not being able to find Bobby as he nestled silently (probably terrified….certainly bewildered) behind his strategically placed oval, they quickly locked onto my position as I was in a far more open site. They parked themselves on my bait bucket and awaited the dawn…the best time to get good sensual light!

The ‘possible’ female was wearing a pair of Victoria Beckham style sunglasses which in my opinion always make the wearer look like some type of alien insect with large bulbous eyes. Coupled with a rather tight and clingy outfit, topped off with a white woolly beanie hat and a very thin overall shape, I had the impression that one of her/his/its parents had been a stick insect and she/he/it was either the result of some terrible mishap in a military laboratory or I was witness and part of a first contact scenario.

I whistled the tune from Close Encounters a few times just to be sure.

The other one, the female of the species, was wearing what looked like a skinned beaver with matching handbag. Whether or not it was a skinned beaver I had no intention of ever finding out. Ever.

Conversation quickly moved from subject to subject with no cohesive, coherent, or logical relevance to anything in particular, but they were more than curious as to why there were a lot of swan feathers on the surface of the water. I had to try to explain to them about surface foam and detergent.

Bob finally appeared about a half hour before dawn; we had a closing shot to get. This was when Bob played his trump card.

He turned the cameras on.

They were totally unaware that from that point on there was a camera recording their every word and action. Everything from how an 85 year old woman dances (even though she should be dead, they said) to the most effective way of rolling 3lb of skunk into what looked like an A1 sheet of paper.

Bob, being the consummate professional, realized that the sun was about to complete the perfect dawn scene and so he asked the young ladies to leave. This was after all a DVD shoot and as anyone who has seen ‘A passion for Angling’ knows, a perfect dawn is a rare and beautiful thing.

They took this quite badly; they had failed in their mission. I had not been totally sure what their mission had been to that point but they made it quite clear as they left.

The female spoke. The other one adopted a Praying Mantis type stance.

“Well me duck, it’s obvious you two are in a relationship.”

(What…Me and Bob? OK, a big chub had leaked milt all over my arm earlier but that doesn’t make me gay, surely!).

“I just wanted to say that my friend (who was now adopting a more locust type stance) really fancies you.” Pointing at Bob.

Now this was seriously unsettling me; did she fancy him in a procreational way, ala Natasha Henstridge in that film ‘Species’, or as an early morning snack? I wasn’t sure.

“And I,” she turned to look at me, “I want to sit on your….”

Well, for the sake of decency, let’s just say it wasn’t my Korum lightweight chair….

And they say fishing is boring.

The Clifton Chavs: