| DONALD EFFINGHAM-MUDDE AND DAMIEN |
| Nineteen year old Damien is a mad keen ‘up for it’ angler, who won’t miss any opportunity to go fishing. He has an aged uncle, an angler of some renown, Donald Effingham-Mudde who spent his earlier years in service to the Viceroy of India. His family jokingly refer to him as WIMDOC, which is an acronym for the phrase he uses to start just about every conversation (“Well, in my day, of course….”). The old boy has come to stay with Damien’s parents for an extended stay, giving the pair the opportunity to go fishing together. Donald’s fishing references are impeccable as, according to him, he taught the Taylor Brothers all they know. However, both participants view the opportunity from slightly differing perspectives. Damien really doesn’t want to be landed with babysitting some doddering old fart, whilst Donald sees this as a perfect opportunity to show this young pup how to do things properly. They are bound to get on famously – aren’t they? |
It being October, they naturally plan a pike-fishing trip. On the agreed day, Damien and Donald start getting their gear together outside the garage. Donald then wheels out two elderly pushbikes for them to use as transport to the venue.
“Sod that, the lake is nearly two miles away!” says Damien, and slings all the gear into the back of his ‘tricked’ Peugeot 106.
They arrive at the lake after a drive at break-neck speed and in utter silence, and wander down to the water’s edge to tackle up. Donald sits back and stokes up his pipe, no doubt to calm his shredded nerves, and watches young Damien bringing out all manner of equipment.
“Those rods look far too thin, first pike you catch is bound to snap them. And you’re using threadline reels, they will twist your line up good and proper, they will. Now, in my day…….”
“**** off!” Damien mutters under his breath and carries on tackling-up. Next thing he knows something resembling a tree branch is shoved under his nose.
“This is what you want, young laddie. Nine feet of built cane. In my day, of course, we used to catch mahseer with these.”
None in this lake that I know of, thought Damien, who continues getting ready.
“And pray tell, just what is that contraption?” asks Donald as the rod pod comes out.
Damien wearily explains that rods are put on the rests, the line goes through the buzzers, and bobbins are clipped on as indicators.
“You don’t need all that fancy malarkey, just let ’em pull against this,” says Donald, and smiles as the industrial strength ratchet of a large centre-pin is demonstrated.
“Whatever,” said Damien, and prepared to cast out a fresh smelt.
“Hold on young-un, that bait of yours seems a mite dead. Try one of these.”
Damien looks at the proffered, very live gudgeon, and then sees the metal can it appeared from. “Where did you get them?” enquired Damien.
“Went down to the canal yesterday, and whipped ’em out for us to use today,” came the reply.
“Oh great, you silly old sod, now we can expect a visit from the EA and probably MAFF for illegally transporting live fish. Put it back in the can and we’ll drop them back in the canal on the way home.”
Donald grudgingly takes the smelt deadbait offered and lobs it out, suspended under a pike bung, the size of which probably kept Portugal’s cork suppliers in work for six months. The pipe is re-lit with the comment that it “Keeps the flies away”. The fact that it is now October probably has a bearing too, thought Damien.
Then it happens, the shriek of the ratchet alerts the pair of them and the bung starts to move off. “I told you the old ways was the best,” chortles Donald, and went off on another reverie about what Walker used to say……… Wonderful, thought Damien, waterlicked by a doddering old duffer, I’ll never hear the end of this.
“Strike then, yer daft old git!” Damien shouts, as he sees Donald settling back, puffing contentedly at his well-chewed old pipe, listening to the ratchet on the old ‘pin getting louder.
“You’ve got time to smoke a cigarette or a pipeful of thick twist before you strike my boy. Now, in the old days Wa…..”
“Strike now, you old duffer, or it’ll be hooked in the arse from the inside!”
Donald reluctantly did as he was told and proceeded to wind in the fish, a reasonable pike of about 12lbs, then……..
“What the hell is that, what the **** are you doing?? – Stop!!”
Damien watched in horror. Donald had slipped a gaff out of his rod bag and was starting to lower it into the water as the fish came to the bank.
“Put that away for god’s sake, we use landing nets now so we can put them back unharmed.”
Damien wasn’t really expecting Donald’s response to be, “A gaff was good enough for Walker so it’s good enough for me. Anyway, put it back? I was going to take him home for my tea. In my day, of course, we ate everything we caught – food wasn’t easy to come by. We’d get three good meals out of a fish like that, then boil his bones for soup!”
The rest of the day passed without further incident. Although Donald did explain that pike were a lot bigger in his day, and that all that modern stuff couldn’t hold a candle to proper tackle when it came to pike fishing. Donald then told Damien he would leave him all his tackle in his will, because he knew he would look after it. Damien felt sorry for him and said he was far too generous, and he couldn’t possibly accept, and that the old boy had years to go yet, etc, etc.
Donald was suitably touched by that remark. So much so that he promised to take Damien fishing as much as possible in order that he could teach him all he knew about every species of fish. Just like he had today with the pike. Damien forced a smile, and wondered just what he had done to deserve such punishment. Then the smile turned to a frown, what if any of his friends saw him while he was out with the old git, and saw the tackle he was using? It just didn’t bear thinking about.
They drove home the way they came, in silence, only stopping at the canal to put the gudgeon back. (An EA bailiff saw what they were doing, and took a note of the Peugeot’s number). Donald Effingham-Mudde was pleased that he had been able to teach the lad a lesson, Damien was bordering on despair, and both of them thinking that the other had a lot to learn about fishing.
Watch out for more Adventures Of Donald Effingham-Mudde And Damien!
