| KEVIN PERKINS | |
Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can. |
Whatever Floats your Boat…… Following last year’s successful launch of easiFsh.con, our own home-grown entrepreneur Richfart Branston, was bound to get involved at some stage. Having started up such world famous companies as;
The leisure world was just begging to be conquered, and a recently ‘launched’ innovation has found a niche home straight away. Richfart Branston has become tied up in a deal to become the sole distributor of these exiting new amphibious cabriolet cars, known as ‘Waterwagons’. These are already being prepared for release in the instantly recognizable Branston corporate colour of lumpy brown, and the whole enterprise will go under the banner of ‘Firgin Water’ The advantages to anglers of the new venture are both wide reaching and revolutionary. Here we have vehicles that can achieve speeds of 120mph on land and up to 30 knots on water. This means not only can drive to your swim very quickly, but you can now have all these additional benefits: No need to walk all the way round the lake to get to the best swims, (aren’t they always on the other side of the lake?) You can now drive straight across the middle. Take to the water looking for signs of fish, although don’t be too surprised if you don’t see many while you are cruising round at 30 knots! Use the car as a bait boat, and shovel 4cwt of bait out of the boot when you get 750 yards from the bank (or further, if you like) Fish from the back of your Waterwagon, anywhere you like, the rear seats spin round through 180 degrees and there are grooves in the back headrests to hold your rods. Supplement your income by towing water skiers around (nowhere near your swim, obviously!) or rescuing stranded windsurfers, for an extortionate fee. Drive over to the home of proper carp fishing, France, without having to use the ferries or tunnel. Here you can fish and bait up at proper distances of four or five miles. Going to need the mother of all baitrunners to hold that amount of line, though. Go and pick up extra supplies of bait and run straight out to your swim, or pick up crates of beer, which you could distribute to the needy by cruising round the margins. This speed through the water will be a boon early in the season on trout waters. Just hang your stockie bashing lures out the back of you Waterwagon and cruise up and down at 30 knots. Won’t be quite as fast as some would like to strip back their lures, but should be effective enough to get your limit in ten minutes or so. P*ssed off by boats coming down the river and making off with your tackle? Now you can jump in your Waterwagon, and chase after them, to get your gear back. Please be aware that if behaviour of this type was to escalate, the authorities will have no option to impose a maximum speed limit of 5 knots. This will be enforced by siting of speed cameras along the riverbanks, you have been warned! If you live near a river or canal, you can drive to a pub, have a skin full of beer and come back via the water without fear of getting breathalysed. There will be several ways you can get your hands on what will be this season’s ‘must have’ piece of equipment. Firgin Water will of course sell you a Waterwagon outright. Failing that, there are many affordable lease plans, or for a hefty supplement you can upgrade to ‘Club Class’. Here you will enjoy the benefits of a fully trained cabin crew, who will collect you from your home in a Waterwagon ‘and perform some or all of the services described above. A whole industry will spring up providing various options and accessories. Full lists are not yet available, but are bound to include the following: -Syndicate waters will provide exclusive moorings and all weather on/off ramps to improve access – Soft tops in the shape of Bivvies, completely covers your Waterwagon and with all the comforts you need already on board, such as lights, power, reclining seats, radio/CD player, heating/air conditioning. – Sail kit in case you run out of petrol. No good calling the AA or RAC if you are stuck in the middle of Graham or some such. -Four wheel (paddle) drive conversion, in case you want to fish on the ice. -Spoked wooden tiller to replace steering wheel. Place the order for your Waterwagon very soon, demand is bound to exceed supply! |
