| KEVIN PERKINS | |
Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can. |
| HOLIDAZE Well, I’m back off holiday, tanned and relaxed. But as usual I have probably ended up returning home with more questions than answers. For a start, is there a point to taking fishing holidays? What if you pay out thousands of pounds and end up blanking, would you be a happy bunny, just having the experience but getting no results? What would you do in Thailand? I know that Tony, a keen angler and owner of my local tonsorial arrangement parlour (barbers!) has pictures of himself with fish arranged around the shop. One of which shows him hugging some foreign fish in Thailand. Now, did he go to Thailand just to go fishing, or was it just something he happened to do while he was there? And if he was in Thailand, was fishing really the only thing he could find to do out there? As for me, I have never been on a ‘fishing’ holiday, but whenever I go abroad, I do like to keep my eyes open, to see how it’s done in other countries. Cheaper than Asda Strolling around a foreign yachting marina last week, I was greeted by the owner of a particularly scruffy boat with the following encouragement; “Hey you, Meeeester. You want very best price feeeeeshing trip. Cheaper than Asda, almost free, my friend.” Trying to survey the equipment on offer, without appearing the slightest bit interested, revealed the type of tackle you might have found in a very down-market 1970’s car boot sale if they had them then. My one recommendation for anyone going abroad is to buy some wrap around, mirror lens sunglasses, because if they catch the whites of your eyes, you are finished. They will have you locked in the brig, tapping weevils out of biscuits and married to their sister before you know what has happened. Be aware that boat fishing press gangs still operate in some foreign climes! Am I wrong to think that we anglers deserve to be given some half-decent kit to at least give us a chance if we are on a trip of a lifetime? If you go on a golfing holiday abroad, they don’t get you to play on the local car park – do they? No, it is all manicured and watered lawns and gleaming golf buggies. You certainly wouldn’t ever see a golfer abroad ‘roughing it’. Beach fishing in North Africa I did come across some gentlemen fishing from the beach whilst out for a stroll. Their equipment intrigued me, as they were float fishing some forty yards out. They had pressed into service some form of bubble floats, which resembled two traffic cones welded together at the bases. The standard end rig was a four-hook set up, but the hooks themselves were quite tiny in comparison to the rest of the outfit, being about size 12. The rods puzzled me most. Having watched a cast being performed, it was obvious that the rods themselves were not designed for casting any great weight. The bend the rod was taking on during a cast was quite frightening to behold. And yet, from a distance, the rod looked the part, the butt was close to two inches in diameter, and the whole thing was well over fifteen foot long. Closer inspection showed that the rod was telescopic, itself no damning thing, but that the action was all wrong. I have only ever seen one like it, many years before and that was a fly dapping rod, as used for lough fishing for trout in Ireland. If it was the same type of beast it was being used ever so slightly out of context, beach fishing in North Africa! Unscrupulous local scuba divers Tackle choice wasn’t the biggest problem faced by our beach fishing friends. It appears that some slightly unscrupulous local scuba divers like to wait for the anglers to locate and then start catching fish. The divers will then swim into the area to spearfish whatever is about. You can be certain that the beach fishermen are not too enamoured with this behaviour, and are apt to vocalise their objections. One such encounter was in progress as I passed. My grasp of spoken Arabic is not brilliant, but I am sure the gist was as follows; “Would you mind awfully not swimming through the area I am trying to fish in, my friend. I would be very upset if you were to hurt yourself on any of my tackle out there.” No response from scuba diver who continues to cruise around, spearing anything that swims. “You swim poaching, donkey faced, camel shagging infidel. Be gone from this place with a thousand curses on you and all your family.” When all the oaths and protestations were exhausted the angler looked round for something to hurl at the diver. Finding only sand, that is what he threw, two handfuls of it. The scuba diver just looked up and lazily swam off, probably having just emptied the swim of anything worth catching. Not the sort of tactic any of us British would think of employing on their local fishery – would we? And finally…… Before I went on holiday I posted a comment on the Forum in respect of FM contributors. For my part, I was astounded when Graham offered me the opportunity to write a weekly column, the only criteria being it should make him laugh!!! This I try to do, week in, week out. Some articles seem easier to write than others, sometimes the deadline rapidly approaches and I am still staring at a blank screen or half-finished story. Those times the completed piece may or may not have been as amusing as it possibly could have been. I agree with Graham that a lack of Forum response is no measure as to how the article has been received, but comments made from FM members do help to give me guidance for the future. This writing game is all still relatively new to me, so any feedback, positive or negative will be appreciated. Many thanks. Kevin |
