| KEVIN PERKINS | |
Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can. |
| NORF AN’ SARF I was going to respond to a recent forum posting from Ron Clay, that prolific and much respected FM contributor, on the North/South divide. However, it occurred to me that revered game fishing correspondent Courtney Fysshe-Laitley would be better placed to comment, having various interests in the south, and a salmon beat ‘up north’ in Scotland. His report on Ron’s queries is filed below: 1. Three bedroom house in a reasonable suburb – 55K Well, I talked to some estate agent chappie, and apparently there are some houses with only three bedrooms, usually of a type called semi-detached or terraced. This is like lots of people living in one proper sized house, but then it is split up into individual little units, how quaint! Apparently they live like that a lot up north, but down here in the Home Counties the only pokey little things we have like that are called mews houses. I’m told you won’t get much change out of 300 grand for one of those. 2. Petrol, non leaded 0.73 per litre Had to ask the chauffeur about this. Normally we buy it by the tank full and charge it to the estate account. Estate manager got his calculator out and tells me we pay about £ 3.60 a gallon, but please explain to me why anyone would buy just one litre, won’t get far in the Range Rover with that! 3. Pint of beer in a non-pretentious local £ 1.85 to £ 1.90 Difficult one, this, because whenever I do drop into the local hostelry I never seem to have to shell out at all. Stout yeoman fellows always queuing up to buy me drinks after doffing their caps and performing the pre-requisite amount of forelock tugging. 4. Pint of maggies £ 2.25, casters £ 2.50 Gamekeeper finally cracked this one, had us all scratching our heads! Some form of bait used by coarse fishermen. These are obtained by hanging up meat and letting the flies at it. Seems like a waste of good pigeons to me. We all like our game to be well hung, but draw the line at having maggots crawl all over it! 5. There is no number 5!! Sounds vaguely familiar, something akin to a Monty Python sketch… Perhaps Ron was trying to find out about any regional variations between the availability of staff. We have no end of problems getting scullery maids and under-footmen. If those folk up north are happy on lower wages, perhaps you could ship them down here to fill the domestic vacancies? 6. Average council tax £ 550 per year Got really upset when we heard about this. Apparently the lower orders get a discount for living in cheaper houses. This is bally well not fair. We all get the same services don’t we? In fact the upper classes should get a reduction for not being such a drain on the services by sending our little darlings to public school (after boarding them out) and we all have made private medical arrangements. No, it is us that should be getting a discount and I will be taking this up with my MP. Well done Ron for pointing out this glaring anomaly. 7. Pub Lunch. Sausage and mash or pie, veg and chips £ 3.50 This sounds like the sort of victuals that get dished out to the beaters after a shoot. I have to say I’m not too sure because we usually make them sit outside in the Land Rovers while we get stuck into the fois gras, salmon terrine and the like, washed down with a jug (or two) of claret. Lunch like that normally sets us back a very reasonable 50 quid; I have to suppose the beaters pay less for their grub, never remember seeing any claret being passed out to them. 8. Loaf of bread: plain white at Morrisons 0.39p I take it this refers to some provincial grocers you are forced to frequent if the Aga breaks down. Cook bakes up a fresh batch of bread every day, so we never have to buy any. 9. 1/2 dozen Free Range eggs 0.55p The butler spent a whole day phoning round, Harrods, Fortnum’s, etc, trying to match this price. Can’t even get one quails egg for 55p, let alone six! 10. A really good meal in top class restaurant with bottle of wine for two £ 18.00 Well, at last something we can begin to relate to, although the remainder of Ron’s text seems to have gone missing. £ 18.00 is about the right price for an entr  When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission, which supports our community.
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