| KEVIN PERKINS | |
Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can. |
| FISH ‘N CHIPS Crystal ball gazing time, again. But just where do you see fishing in, say, thirty year’s time? Will the very essence of angling, the fact that we are pursuing an unknown and largely unseen quarry be taken away? We seem to have the paradox that we are prepared to spend longer and longer on the bankside, overnighters have given way to sessions lasting for weeks. But at the same time we are rushing headlong in the search of that fishing ‘Holy Grail’ of the irresistible bait. When we eventually do find it, will we then spend less time fishing, because we can catch so many fish, or even more time fishing, so we can catch every fish in front of us? What if you run out of fish to catch during one of these marathon sessions, how do you feel, delighted or disappointed? Would you go home early, or just sit there, catching nothing? Wouldn’t the fact that success was guaranteed eventually lead to boredom with the sport altogether. Before we get to that state, will electronics really start to make an impact on angling, how about reels with microchips that can measure the distance you have cast, display that distance on a tiny LCD screen and then memorise it. All subsequent casts will be slowed by a tiny clutch to ensure your bait is in the exact same spot every time. How about a slipping clutch that you can ‘dial in’ in to just below the breaking strain of the line and that same chip will apply breaking right up to that point, but not beyond, so you can fish without fear of ever being broken by a running fish. We surely can only be months rather than years away from baitboats guided into position be GPS devices, to ensure you can pile enough bait onto the exact same spot time after time, to enable you to create a small island in the middle of the lake. We are constantly told that fish are attracted to underwater features, so much the better if the feature is actually made of food! I remember a fishing rod that was displayed on ‘Tomorrow’s World’ many years ago. It went from floppy to poker stiff merely by turning a button on the butt. This obviously wound up some kind of tensioning device inside the rod. Surely an idea that should have been developed further, along with the multi-purpose rod. Two butts, three middle sections and four tops, one rod to tackle everything that swims, why are there none of those around? Technology usually means that we have items that are bundled together. Printers now come as scanner/printer/copier/fax machines, televisions come with DVD, Radio, Teletext, Video, and ‘Home Entertainment’ packages. Mobile phones now come with so many different functions the hardest thing to do is make/receive calls on them (If you’ve bought a new mobile lately you will have notice that the instruction manual is approaching the size of a phone book). Tackle manufacturers, of course, go the opposite direction and create more and more niche markets, particularly for rods. In fact, I’m not so sure that rods will soon have to be almost as long as poles in order to get the information label on to show you its specific use, such as: ‘Barbel (Suggested target weight range between 6lbs 12ozs and 12lbs 5ozs), Test Curve 1.8456 lbs. Use only on rivers (less than 40′ wide) in the counties of Bucks/ Herts/Berks. Optimum usage between dawn and dusk. Preferred days Friday/Saturday/Sunday (will tolerate very occasional mid week days). Best before end December 2003’ Is it possible that anglers will be able to resist the relentless march of technology, and not succumb to such marvels as fish locating devices, and the likes of transponders dropped into the water that will send electronic messages to the lateral lines of fish to trigger a feeding response? We already have fake baits, and recently a robot koi carp was unveiled, lifelike in every detail. Is this the way forward? We can programme our robot fish to cruise round for a while, pick up our imitation bait and then proceed to ‘fight’ at a level pre-determined by a remote control device on the bank. There we have it, ‘virtual’ fishing, with no impact on the environment. If it gets to that state, do we really need to go outdoors at all? Could fishing become an arcade game, like skateboarding is now? Imagine the levels you could go through, gudgeon, dace, roach, bream, tench, carp, pike, catfish etc, etc. This will be shortly followed by the all new X Box and PS2 game called something like Fish ‘N’ Magic! Now you can fish from the comfort of your own armchair. Although, if you are like me and can’t even manage to qualify for a licence to race in Gran Turismo, you may well give up in frustration if you can’t get past gudgeon level! Will frustrated anglers return to the water in clandestine sessions? Will secretive support groups spring up to help people over their craving to go fishing. Will we be entitled to stress counselling and medication. If so, I can’t wait, can I have mine now, please, to save time! NOTE FROM GRAHAM |
