The Alternative Angler

Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can.

Well, Happy New Year to everyone, and I trust those of you who got fishing related presents received what they wanted. I was lucky enough to get both the new pike rods I wanted, the exact model of rod holdall I needed, and various lures that I have had my eye on for some time, (got the money and chose my own presents – obviously!)

It was the lures that caught my attention (I know, they are supposed to be attractive!). Two of the sets were from a famous manufacturer, and are stated to be a selection of ‘Proven Fish Takers’. However I begin to suspect that the ‘selections’ may owe more to marketing than actual predator choice. Both sets contained five lures; three of each were recognisable as life-like attempts at fish imitations, as for the other two….

Natural or not?

Call me simple (yes, yes, I know thank you!) but I want lures that predators will take because they are hungry. Some of these fluorescent lures can only be triggering a perceived threat response from fish that are intent on guarding their territory. All well and good I hear you say, but what if your particular target fish isn’t the local thug, intent in beating up anything that foolishly strays into it’s path?

Recent revelations regarding the sexuality of barbel may throw all this into question. If fish are slowly turning trans-gender then the number of testosterone fuelled attacks will diminish to nothing. In fact, a predator of the future may see such a lure jigging past and will do nothing but mock the gaudy colour combinations. It may well watch the offending article go past and do no more than note that it really shouldn’t be seen out with that particular combination of green and red stripes.

No, I will need some more convincing from the lure makers that ‘their’ selection is not based more on what they have left over on the shelves, than a genuine choice made by fish, or indeed anglers. Indeed the swing towards more and more pre-packaged items brings huge benefits to the manufacturers and retailers, but what about you and me?

If I stroll down to my local tackle shop to buy, say, six swivels, I come out with ten because they come in packets of five. If I want to make up six snap tackles, I have to buy twenty hooks, because they come in packets of ten. How many of us have those round split shot containers which are half empty because they contain a ‘selection’ of eight sizes, but you only ever seem to use two or three of them?

I have boxes crammed full of opened, half empty packets of ‘bits’, usually the instructions/size details were printed on a card attached to the top of the packet, which of course I threw away when I ripped the packet open. Now I have to rummage through all the packets, either spilling the contents, because they are not sealed, or chasing them down the bank because a gust of wind has got hold of them and they are off like a bunch of demented butterflies!

Then there are float sets; four, five, six, sometimes even more of identical styles of Stick, Avon or Waggler, but a shotting difference of around one BB covers the lot! How many of you have incomplete sets rattling around in your float boxes, because the one size you need most is the one that is missing or broken! You can’t just buy one to replace it, oh no, you will have to buy another complete set!

Now, I know there are many tackle shops out there who provide a sterling service to us anglers, but pre-packaging of more and more items is a step on the slippery slope to self selection. More and more ‘point of sale’ dispensers are appearing in tackle shops, allowing you to browse at leisure. You will have to spend some time browsing, because so many of the packets appear to contain identical items.

You can be assured that if there is a range of sizes in a particular item, the one you want will be where the space is on the rack, with a card left on the hook saying’ Sold out – please reorder!’ An appeal to the shop owner for additional supplies will be met with “They’re on order mate, fly out the shop, they do. Have some more in this time next week, if they’re in stock.” At this point you are made to feel it is probably your fault for not buying them earlier.

The other scenario is that you spend twenty minutes going through the myriad of ‘point of sale dispensers’ in a vain attempt to locate what you want. When you then ask the shop keeper for said item the response is “Nah mate, don’t keep ’em. No call for ’em any more”

My advice to you is that if there is one thing you tend to use a lot, then buy up as many as you can at every opportunity. That should confuse their stock forecasts, lead times, stock turn round, customer profiling and bloody demographics!