| KEVIN PERKINS | |
Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can. |
‘SPANGLERS’
What is it that we are afraid of? A recent report in the newspapers about the fantastic information network that birdwatchers (twitchers) have, got me thinking. Here is a group that will enthusiastically exchange details with others so that they can all enjoy the sighting of a rare specimen. They will happily travel hundreds of miles to meet up with like-minded individuals, and be happy that they have helped others to share an experience.
It has to be said that by and large anglers are far less likely to give anything away. In fact, some are so furtive in their efforts to disguise what they are doing, where they are fishing, or what bait they are using it is a surprise that they haven’t yet been recruited by MI6, or engaged by the government as spin doctors. Hence the term ‘Spangler’ (Spin/Angler)
You know the type of thing, carefully posed photographs that reveal nothing at all about the location. How long before these Spanglers take along rolled up fake scenery backgrounds to pose in front of? Even better if they take along a backdrop image of somewhere else to be photographed in front off. Or in these digital days, a quick cut and paste job, and they could be anywhere. Just waiting for the first photo of a grinning Spangler posing with his dream catch in Trafalgar Square!
Although, such is the level of secrecy they need to achieve, I am surprised that the pictures don’t have pixelated faces to ensure you are not even able to identify the captor. Won’t do much for the Drennan Cup, I fear!
Capture details that only make reference to a ‘Southern Stillwater’ or some such.
Bait? You’ll be lucky if the successful angler so much as admits to using anything on the hook to tempt his latest leviathan, let alone let on what it might be. Another clue is when you casually walk up to one of these ‘Spanglers’ and there is a flurry of activity as bags are firmly zipped up, boxes are slammed shut, and any sort of incriminating evidence is squirreled away from prying eyes under camouflage netting.
Engage said person in general conversation and it will become immediately apparent that they are going to give away absolutely nothing at all (Guantanamo Bay would have been a breeze for these blokes). But they are more than willing to learn what you have been doing. You can here the cogs whirring away as they mentally sort the chaff from the wheat in what you are saying. As soon as they realise you have nothing new to offer, they turn their backs on you and get on with what they were doing, when you have gone a safe distance away, of course.
And the reason for all this cloak and dagger secrecy is? To catch more and bigger fish than anyone else, that’s what. We anglers obviously need to be able to use our superior intelligence to its limits to outwit these cunning, devious piscatorial Einsteins. It is vitally important for Spanglers to show (or rather, not show) other fishermen that they are intellectually superior to their given quarry.
Only by embracing the white heat of technological breakthroughs in tackle and bait and covertly developing closely guarded top secret equipment and bait can they possibly hope to keep one step ahead or their worthy adversaries. But given the amount of time and effort put in to trying to find the one sure-fire rig set up, or the absolutely irresistible bait, isn’t it surprising that they (or anyone else, for that matter) haven’t been able to find them yet.
That will be same worthy adversaries who have spent the past tens of thousands of years just swimming around doing exactly the same thing day in, day out. If fish were that clever don’t you think they might have developed a little in that time? Perhaps they might even have evolved enough to grow lungs, arms, legs and then clambered out of the ponds they live in.
Well no, they haven’t, have they? I wouldn’t mind betting that most of them are blissfully unaware that they are busy putting all us anglers to the trouble of catching them. How they constantly manage to evade capture through their guile and cunning probably never crosses their minds at all. It would be a sight to see if they climbed out beside some anglers trying to catch them and wished them a cheery ‘Hello’ before wandering off
There again, it is fairly safe to assume that probably not much crosses their minds at all because they are……fish! So to all the Spanglers out there, I say please don’t take it so seriously. As far as we are aware there isn’t a piscatorial conspiracy, no piscine escalation of intelligence designed to thwart us.
But of course, if the Spanglers can succeed in making other people believe that fish possess very high levels of intelligence, then by default they must be even cleverer to be able to catch them……aren’t they?
