| KEVIN PERKINS | |
Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can. |
| Tickletackle
Whilst the technicians at Tickletackle are more used to developing ideas from pipedream to reality, they are occasionally able to capitalise and improve on a concept has not been fully exploited. As it is now apparently perfectly acceptable to hurl rocks at fish, all that was missing was the correct method of delivering these weights. As any schoolboy knows the way to gain distance over water when flinging rocks is to use the tried and tested Barnes Wallace method. Hence the following innovations in this revolutionary, all-new system: Skimmerz A two-foot long rod that you use sideways to flick out the new ‘Pebblez’. These weights are of course carefully selected, aerodynamically correct stones in the shape of flattened discs. Most of these will be mined from two huge natural resources on the South Coast, one near Brighton and the other at Chesil. Coupled to the all-new ‘Big Pitz’ reel, fantastic distances can be achieved with just the flick of the wrist. The bait and weight will be sent skipping over the top of the water to sink slowly beneath the surface. A must for shy biting fish who don’t appreciate having boulders thrown at them, this is the perfect stealth bait delivery system. Those TT boffins are also developing a brand new sea fishing weight system, based on old methodology, and will be known as ‘Nutz & Boltz’. The strategic placement of a swivel will transform a cheap, expendable fishing weight into something far more expensive, and more importantly, something you will now be very keen to take care of, considering the price. Although the cost may seem steep at the moment, please be aware of the high degree of engineering and technology required to ensure the hole is drilled correctly and the swivel is placed in the optimum position. Also, please bear in mind they are only currently adapting almost obsolete BSF and Whitworth components. Once metrication takes hold, these will become illegal, and new, EEC Regulation compliant, M12 units will have to be employed, rapidly escalating prices. European Commission Weights and Measures Officers will be roaming the seashores and commandeering high speed launches armed with thread gauges to check for infringements. Best to stock up now! ***** Stop Press ***** Tickletackle have just announced a new fishing competition, with a twist, of course. To be known as the ENC Cup and this time it is anglers who can now recognise and reward the tackle manufacturers who come up with the best ‘under the radar’ products through the season. These are the kind items that you see lauded in the angling press, that make you shake your head and rub your eyes. In the running so far are covers for rod quivers to keep your rods snug and warm, whilst you are on the move. This simple but effective accessory turns your rod quiver into a full-length protection for your tackle. It is not to be confused with the widely available (and much cheaper) rod bags, which do the same job. Why buy one piece of equipment when two will do the same job? Hook condoms were always likely to be a font runner in the competition, a product well worthy of inclusion. Barbel, in particular, with their eyes mounted on top of their heads and ‘whiskers’ under their chins for feeling around on the bottom they can’t see, are very wary when spying hooks lying around. Anything that alleviates this age-old problem is a boon. Also nominated are retractable bobbins. How did we ever cope without these time saving devices? The ability to just reel out your bobbins from their housings must literally saved seconds when setting up. Although, as you normally clip on your bobbins after you have cast out, the actual amount of fishing time you have gained for this outlay is……nothing! Current favourite in the rankings are clip-on sunglasses with camouflage lenses. A definite improvement on sunglasses with only camouflaged frames (although the clip-ons with camo lenses do not have camo frames for some curious reason) I suppose the theory is that you see the world through a camouflaged tint. The old saying relating to ostrich and head in sand plays on the mind…… And why just sunglasses? What about overcast days, shouldn’t we be able to get prescription glasses made up in ReallyTwee patterns at Specsavers? But in truth, aren’t we looking through the wrong end of the telescope, don’t we want our quarry to be seeing the world through camouflaged eyes? Now I know it would be ridiculous to put glasses on fish, no ears to rest the frames on, for a start, but contact lenses, now there is an idea! Forms for nominating tackle companies into the Emperors New Clothes Cup will only be available online at Tickle and Fux.com |
