Kevin Perkins is one of those anglers who sees both the funny and darker side of life, and there are plenty of funny and dark goings-on in fishing. He’s the Alternative Angler who sees that side of things that most of us miss because we’re too busy going about the serious business of catching fish and often missing the strange, the satirical, and the plain comical along the way.
Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the whacky side of fishing life and grab a laugh or a lament along the way.
Clattercote II
Clattercote, oh, Clattercote
In deepest Oxfordshire
What mischief-laden sprites
Do dwell in that deep mere
We know just what will happen
At May time ever year
There’s wind and rain a plenty
When FM’ers gather there
We all meet up at breakfast time
Some say they might catch plenty
Others won’t be quite as blessed
Their nets will end up empty
And, two nets in the water
For most that’s just a joke
But one who’s needing two brace
Is that Stuart Dexter bloke.
Another in need of bracing
Is Andy ‘The Dog’ Nellist
The face he pulled when weighing
Would win a gurning contest
Etc, etc….
Jeff has already given an excellent account of this year’s proceedings, but there’s always those bits and pieces going on around the periphery that I seem to notice….
Let’s start with a hearty slap on the back for Nigel ‘The Organiser’ Connor. It’s a thankless task having to sort out events like this, you’re bound to forget things like change, pens, draw bags, so we shouldn’t moan.
Breakfast at the Brasenose was great, once again proving the old adage that ‘if something’s worth waiting for….’ when it finally does arrive, it’s bound to taste all the better. At least we were all able to fill the time with amusing stories and anecdotes.
I particularly liked the one were several members of FM were lucky enough to be allowed a once in a lifetime opportunity to fish a v.v.exclusve stretch of water for the very reasonable sum of £ 50 per head. Except that when said members turned up on the appointed day, they were directed to some swims they could have fished on a £ 16 day ticket…….
Anyway, breakfast over; we made our way to Clattercote. The draw was made, some more jovial banter, and we all trundled off to our swims. Mr. Marsden was road testing the ‘Stanna Barra’ electric powered trolley, which is about one step away from a Motability scooter, if you ask me. Still, it was handy to have the 12v battery there to operate his inflated, heated seat cushion, which he so desperately needs on those draughty banksides these days. Not sure why the cushion has to vibrate as well, though, perhaps that’s some sort of massage feature…….
Just before we made our way to the lake, I did pass Stu (Show me the money) Dexter unloading gear from his Porche (hmm…is there a little clue there?) and during a pleasant little chat I found I had drawn the swim next to him, with Andy Nellist on the next peg along. Well, I thought to myself, if I couldn’t pick up some tips watching those two, I might as well give up.
And if the pair of them did manage to get some huge shoals feeding in front of them I might be able to pick off a few stragglers from the edge. I strode down the boards with a spring in my step and feeling quite confident (Yes, I know, now, thank you…!)
Standing on the platform at Peg 14, I could see Mr. Dexter through the willow tree to my right, with Mr Nellist sat next to him, exalted company to be in indeed! In fact, I can hardly see through the willow at all, as its luxuriant foliage is hanging over the edge of the platform, which in turn is matched by the overhanging hawthorn bush right behind me.
No matter, I can always kneel down to cast – and have to all through the match. Still, the ‘all-in’ signal starts us off and I only hook the hawthorn twice in my first three casts; not too shabby, I thought. I’m fishing at roughly the same distance as the maestro next door, properly clipped up too, and using the same luncheon meat bait, so it can only be a matter if time before my tip gets pulled round.
Stu has started to land fish fairly regularly, and after a couple of hours, even Andy gets in on the action, so it won’t be long before my tip gets pulled round, will it? Even after Jeff strolls along for a chat and cheerfully informs me that I am in the ‘death’ peg, I just know that it won’t be long before I’m in on the action.
Next to me on Peg 13, Uncle Hewitt is picking up odd silver fish, so they must be all around me, won’t be too long now, even a grebe is finding fish where I am piling in the bait. And finally, there is a steady pull on the tip, and a skimmer bream comes to the net. Great start, except that there’s now only five minutes to go until the end! Doesn’t the time just fly by when you’re having fun…..
So, this year, I was biteless all through the match until five minutes from the end. Last year, fish first cast, then biteless for the rest of the match. Not sure which is worse, catch a fish straight away and then sit through the entire match in anticipation, or catch nothing at all and then have one pop up out of nowhere when you are packing up…!
No real surprises at the weigh-in, the chart below shows that Clattercote can be a bit ‘peggy’.
But it was amusing to see Andy Nellist’s entire repertoire of face contortions when he was lifting the weigh sack..!
Returned to the pub for nibbles and cup presentation, where a few did note the landlord’s ironic touch of putting out a tray of whitebait amongst the sausages and chips in the buffet, that was the most fish some of had seen all day! A few ribald stories were recounted, which I can’t really relate on here due to consideration for the libel laws of this country, and once again a good day was had by all.
Epilogue
And for next year……? Does it continue in the same vein, or is the format in need of a little tinkering? As the best supported of the FM Fish-ins, it has a firm place in the calendar, without doubt. As a venue, despite the obvious ‘peggy’ nature of the place, it remains a favourite for many, as there is the element of challenge, and a good deal of luck at the draw bag.
However…is the date right? There are always concerns about the weather and the question of fish shoaling up before spawning, perhaps earlier would be better. Is the kick-off time right, or should we go for a bit later in the day to fish on into the evening, as the place usually looks so good just as we are leaving?
Whilst the heaviest weight should always be rewarded, I can’t help but think that Simon’s 15lb odd net of silver fish was a tremendous effort on the day, and shouldn’t have gone without recognition. Perhaps double the entry fee and split the (now compulsory) pools money into a few different competitions to spread the chance of winning something around a bit.
Maybe a ‘Silver Fish’ cup as well, perhaps a trophy for the best specimen, how about a pairs Pro-Am type competition with partners drawn on the day. How about a £ 10 draw amongst those who blank on the day?
Or anything else to make the day a bit more appealing, or am I just babbling on – again….!!!!!
