Kevin Perkins is one of those anglers who sees both the funny and darker side of life, and there are plenty of funny and dark goings-on in fishing. He’s the Alternative Angler who sees that side of things that most of us miss because we’re too busy going about the serious business of catching fish and often missing the strange, the satirical, and the plain comical along the way.
Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the whacky side of fishing life and grab a laugh or a lament along the way.
Elephant in the Room?
An oft-used phase for something we all know is there, but for whatever reason, we can’t or won’t talk about. Well, to use another colloquialism, let’s open a can of worms and see what crawls out.
The on/off Closed Season debate is done to death for another year, but how about we look past that and examine what motives someone would have for keeping the rivers shut. As documented before, it seems inexplicable that we differentiate against the species of fish that abide in both moving and still water
We can now happily fish for carp, bream, perch, pike, roach, etc, in stillwaters during the river closed season, so why are their moving water cousins any different? And saying that river species need protection for three months is an open invitation to ask who or what they need protection from – anglers? If we are admitting that there is something we shouldn’t be doing for three months, why stop there? Looks like very shaky ground to mount a defence of a Closed Season, if you ask me.
Lessening the disturbance on the bank is another red herring (piscatorial pun intended). With the onset of Spring, Easter and school half-terms, the human presence is going to increase far beyond the footfall that anglers would make, and you can be sure that those less than regular visitors to the waterside will have less respect for wildlife and vegetation as they trample the banks on their walks.
So just who does benefit from a river Closed Season and, more importantly, how? Perhaps we should look at the species, which specifically live in rivers (can you begin to see the vague, slightly blurred outline of an elephant now…?) and the anglers who pursue them. If we discount those delightfully happy band who call themselves chub anglers who cause no upset and discord to their angling brethren, that rather points the finger at barbel anglers.
Now, before the combined hackles of the massed band of barbel anglers rise up and blot out the sun, let me just qualify that statement. For some time now, barbel anglers have appeared to want to disassociate themselves from the run of the mill coarse fishermen. They see their quarry as more upmarket by virtue of only inhabiting rivers, and this then allows them to bathe in the halo effect of the game fishermen.
Having taken on a golden glow of almost David Dickinson magnitude from their upmarket sporting cousins, it is only natural that they do their utmost to further cement their place in the angling hierarchy. What better to align themselves with the huntin’, shootin’ and fishin’ brigade than by only going after their quarry when it is in season. What jolly sporting chaps they are for behaving in this manner. (Tusks, trunk, and ears becoming quite visible, I should imagine..).
I mean, a fellow would be a complete cad and a bounder to go grouse shooting before August 12th and those barbel chaps are likewise to be applauded for keeping off the rivers until June 16th. Those riff-raff coarse fishers should be damned pleased they are being allowed to share in the same traditions as the barbel anglers by being kept off the rivers, don’t know how lucky they are.
In fact, it really would make more sense if there were three types of Rod Licence to properly differentiate anglers. An entry-level ‘General’ all year round one for the pond fishing types (including those stillwater fluff-flingers), a nine-month long ‘Barbel’ one for river fishers only and six month ‘Game’ licence for the salmon and proper trout fishing boys.
Obviously the shorter the duration of the licence, the more it has to cost, as that is the usual way as one’s status in life generally dictates one’s ability to pay (I think you can both see and smell the elephant right about now!).
And why is it that I can go into my local Clinton’s and get a card for every possible occasion imaginable (and some that aren’t) but there are no condolence cards for those suffering from the start of the Closed Season, nor are there any cards saying ‘Welcome Back’ when the season starts up again? I reckon Hallmark are missing a trick there!
