KEVIN PERKINS


Kevin Perkins is one of those anglers who sees the funny side of everything, and there are plenty of funny goings-on in fishing. But not everybody is able to convey the funny and often quirky nature of fishing. But Kevin can. He’s the Alternative Angler who sees that side of things that most of us miss because we’re too busy going about the serious business of catching fish and often missing the satire and laughs along the way.

Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can.

HOME AND AWAY AND MORE ABOUT CRAAVE

What type of angler are you, do you prefer to fish Home or Away? On the one hand I have to admit that although I have done my share in the past, I am never that keen to go back to the same spot week in, week out, putting your rod pod legs back in the same holes in the bank, etc. On the other hand, nor am I ever the first one in the queue to go hacking my way through forests of brambles with nettles up to my armpits just with a view to getting to a ‘never been fished before’ swim.

When I have fished ‘home’ waters in the past, it was always done with a purpose. That purpose was to have one constant in the equation (the venue) and then vary the bait/tactics used until a winning formula was found – if at all! If I went fishing ‘away’ then the reverse was often the case, whereby a tried and tested method was used, until a fish holding area was located.

Far more importantly, is that other quantity to factor into the equation, and that is confidence. This can come about by fishing somewhere you know there are fish to be had, whether that is by reported captures or rumours. Even better, is to be somewhere that looks ‘fishy’. You know the kind of thing, a tree lined, secluded bay, edged with reeds, with the water, clear at the edge, but then gradually darkening as it shelves away, hinting that it is easily deep enough to hide any possible monsters lurking below. This gives you the confidence because it just looks like it should contain fish.

You may well go there, fish all day and catch nothing, but with such inviting surroundings, there is always the promise of success, and you will be lured back time and again. It’s the sort of place I always look for along the riverbanks. I might have to walk a bit further than fifty yards from the car park, but I know that it will be worth it when I come across the right ‘spot’.

Probably just me, but if I am fishing on a perfectly straight, featureless canal or Fen drain, for instance, I get bored after about ten minutes and want to move on (and frequently do). There may well be some technical angling term for this condition, such as impatient git, but if I am going to blank, I prefer to do it in more aesthetically pleasing surroundings – something to do with the sybarite in me.

Anyway, being a traditional sort of angler, I still observe the closed season when it comes to river fishing (oh, sorry, nearly forgot, don’t have a choice, do I?) and a few such reconnaissance trips before the 16th will surely heighten expectations. Although, don’t bother doing any pre-baiting on a river. Those chub, dace and barbel which are all perfectly visible, finning around with gay abandon right up to dusk on June 15th will promptly disappear the moment you sling your tackle in the next morning!

Top Box

The phenomenal success of TickleTackle’s most recent product launch, the CRAAVE seat box, brought a few enquiries from anglers as to whether or not some form of travel cover could be supplied to prevent scratches or other damage caused by this very expensive system rolling about in the boot of your car.

Now as you know, the TT boffins only ever engage in ‘outside the box’ thinking, and turned the concept of safely transporting your valuable gear on its head. Why chuck all your stuff in the boot when vehicle manufacturers spend millions creating a safe and secure environment in the front of the car?

With a few modifications, the CRAAVE box can now travel in the passenger seat of your car, snugly held in by the three-point seatbelt (full, six-point racing harness can be ordered as an option), and with the added assurance of front and side airbags in case of a calamity.

Of course, with so many different types of car seat being fitted, it would be impossible to make a universal fitting kit available. Therefore, it was decided to limit the choice to one particular vehicle. As an unpaid consultant to TickleTackle, I am often out in all weathers, thoroughly field-testing prototype items of equipment to ensure it meets the exacting standards expected of this prestige tackle company. I finally narrowed the choice down to two cars, and had to endure day after day of arduous driving, on behalf of you anglers, you understand, to ensure the right vehicle was selected


Modification noted in testing, the CRAAVE box won’t be able to hold onto the grab handle until its knuckles glow white (unlike the salesman)

The salesmen involved in these test drives were a little perturbed when I gave each of them a crash helmet to wear, but a few moments with me behind the wheel soon showed them that the wearing of safety headwear was entirely necessary. The Ferrari 360 Spider proved an eminent vehicle in nearly all respects, but while the open roof proved ideal to poke your rods out of the back, there is no power hood option. So you have to stop if it’s raining and put the lid on, and we can’t possibly have Tickle Tackle owners being caught doing that, can we?

The Lamborghini Gallardo has a roof, of course, so no roof off/roof on problem there. And whilst the CRAAVE system sits happily in the passenger seat, rod storage space seemed to be compromised until the TT boffins quickly came up with the Smugg-Larr 27 piece rod, which comes in its own fully lined titanium case that slips neatly into the glove box.


The salesman walks of in a huff when I suggest his build was a good substitute for the 130 litre rucksack planned for the front seat

An added bonus of the Lamborghini is of course is four-wheel drive, handy if you intend using narrow, winding country lanes like the A6 etc. The colour choice will be toned down from that of the test model, of course, and in keeping with its use for fishing, a camouflage version will be available, probably Tarmac/White Line, particularly if you intend to use all that 600bhp in order to get to your preferred fishing spot slightly quicker than normal.

TickleTackle don’t normally countenance any form of discounting, as you know, but on this occasion the first 100 customers who place orders for the LSBCS (Lambo Seat Box Conveyance System) will receive the CRAAVE seat box free of charge – but please hurry with your non-refundable deposits if you don’t want to be disappointed.

Should you not be lucky enough to secure one of these fabulous state of the art tackle carriers, don’t fret. Rumours abound in the fishing industry that Prof. Bumblebee’s TartTackle are already working on a hybrid Efgeeco/Lada version……..

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