| KEVIN PERKINS | |
Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can. |
MAGPIES So, first of all, I should perhaps apologise for a couple of my recent articles. I have, it seems, turned to sarcasm for some reason in an effort to be ‘entertaining’, and reading back through those ramblings I can see that they were just not up to my usual standard (whatever that is!). It is all very well ‘having a pop’ at carp and barbel anglers, but in doing so I realise I will probably alienate the majority of FM readers, in fact there are only the pole and match boys left (although, I haven’t had a go at them for ages, now there’s an idea…….but wait a minute – perhaps it’s best not go down that road just now!). I will also confess that I normally tend to leave the pike and predator boys alone, because, well, life is usually cruel enough to them as it is, which is their burden for choosing that particular branch of our sport. I’m not saying you actually need to have underlying masochistic tendencies to be a pike angler, but it probably helps, given the pain and suffering you usually end up inflicting on yourself. Anyway, I may be alone in this, but I went out to the garage the other day to do something relating to the garden, and just happened to have to move some of my (mountain, according to my dear wife) tackle. Having picked up one of the boxes, I casually lifted up the lid and peered inside. Then I started getting bits out, first that box was emptied onto the garage floor, then the next, and so on, and so on. Having tipped the whole lot out, I realised I didn’t know why I had even started, so I proceeded to put it all back. In doing so, I came across those things that you (or is it just me?) buy, but almost certainly will never, ever use. Despite that, there they all are, still with you, sometimes years later. I know we will all have things like incomplete sets of stick floats, and three-quarters of a collection of bread punches, a maggot riddle that doesn’t fit any of your current bait boxes, catapult with broken elastic or pouch, these are quite normal, some would say almost compulsory. It is all those other little things, that on their own don’t mean much, but when you start to add them up it can get a bit worrying. I have in my possession (and have had for many years) a bright shiny screw-in gaff, and I have no idea why. I’ve never gaffed a fish, and never want to, but I suppose it will come in handy come panto season if I get to play Cap’n Hook. It’s not like you would want to take it fishing anyway. Pull six inches of chrome plated, needle sharp steel out of your tackle box in this day and age and you shouldn’t be surprised to find yourself surrounded by a SWAT team. Another ‘lost treasure’ I came across was a tin of Mucilin, and yes I know what it’s supposed to be for, but have I ever used it …..no! But still, back in the box it goes after having had its annual trip out into the sunlight. It lives next to an ABU 5001 Ambassadeur, of early 1970’s vintage. This still has its leather case, reel oil and spares kit, and was last used in anger over twenty years ago. I take it out of the case, wind the handle round a few times, marvel that it still runs like a Swiss watch, and those memories come flooding back of me hurling mackerel tails over 100 yards distant, to the amazement of fellow anglers, and then remembering the 7 times out of ten when the mackerel tail went about five yards, and the ensuing birds nest would have impressed any passing stork on the look out for a new home. Back in the case it goes, and into the bottom of the box till next time. And then there are the lure boxes, my one real weakness, bordering on obsession. I know the old adage that more anglers are caught by tackle than fish, but when I walk into a shop, I am drawn like a magpie to those twinkling, brightly coloured and shiny lures. I have spinners, spoons and plugs still in their packets, never been used, and some, I doubt, ever will. Despite constantly buying new ones, I usually only ever seem to use the ‘old favourites’. The lists of favourites only gets amended when one gets lost, and when that happens, there are almost tears, and a short spell of mourning ensues. Until I unearth a new ‘best’ lure, of course, and then I’m off and running again almost as if nothing has happened! Only ever suffer a slight pang of guilt when I remember how much some of these bright shiny things are worth, especially on days when I get home and realise that I’ve left three or four on the lake or river bed, or up a tree, and most of them cost several pounds each. Never mind, a quick count up and I find I’ve still got well over a hundred lures left, so it’s not really a problem, unless someone tells my wife…… |
