KEVIN PERKINS


Kevin Perkins is one of those anglers who sees the funny side of everything, and there are plenty of funny goings-on in fishing. But not everybody is able to convey the funny and often quirky nature of fishing. But Kevin can. He’s the Alternative Angler who sees that side of things that most of us miss because we’re too busy going about the serious business of catching fish and often missing the satire and laughs along the way.

Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way as well. So here’s a regular column from Kevin Perkins to remind us that life is for laughing at, or taking the p*** out of, whenever we can.

Poles Fishing?

AS THE LEADING angling website, FishingMagic prides itself on its up to the minute news reporting.

Given the ongoing debate on the effects that Eastern Europeans might be having on angling in the UK, FM recently interviewed renowned Polish angler Pioter Zbygwopaz, in order that we might be able to get the view from the other side, so to speak. Extracts of this completely unbiased, and totally politically correct interview are published below:

FM
Pioter, do you feel that sites like FM are of any interest to Eastern Europeans?

PZ
Very much are we enjoy this webbingsite, full of interest it is for us. As you know all things fishy are much loved by us Poles, and there are being many learnings that we can do for each other’s help, we think.

FM
A lot of fishing in England is based very much on traditional ways, with conservation always top of the list of priorities. To give you an example of fish welfare, carp anglers think so highly of their quarry that they actually give the fish names such as ‘Two-Tone’, ‘Heather’ and ‘Mary’.

PZ
Traditions very much upheld in Poland too. Also just like you we are always giving names to fish, such like ‘Dinner’, ‘Bony’, ‘Tasty’, ‘Muddy’, bit like chicken, etc. Also explain please, why is no pikes and chips, carpes and chips at so calling ‘Fish and Chips’ shops? Is strange that only have cods in Fishy Fingers, and Fishermen’s Pie, much more tasty with perches, isn’t so? Spiky spines very good for using as toothy pickings afters wards we find. Surely eating of coarse fish much better than sending jolly jack tar sailor boys deep-sea trawlering, is not?

FM
We are sure that many would applaud your concerns over dwindling North Sea fish stocks, not so sure that the solution you offer is quite so acceptable. However, back to the fishing, and how would your end tackle differ to that normally used in England?

PZ
There is many tackles we are having no easy use that we hope you will help with.

Firstly we are not seeing the guidings on how to not have tangles with castings. Perhaps thirty-seven hooks on one line is too much, maybe? Also is feeling that having all hooks with same bait is not good, some times only getting twenty fish liking baits, leaving us with empty hooks, and empty hooks means empty bellies.

FM
I don’t think anyone on here will be able to tell you how to cast out a line with that many hooks on, it certainly sounds dangerous, maybe even ever so slightly against one or two bye-laws, perhaps there are some other tackle issues we can help with?

PZ
Other help needs are for when putting out lines all nighting time. For us is best to tie up line to bushy tree stump, but Fennyland not having many along banks we are finding. Please to tell if is OK to tie lines to big metal stick much banged into ground, but will noise of banging be scaring off fishes for long times? Also, nights are doing very darkness much quickly now, so asking for makers of luminous bank sticks if chance any?

FM
Well, firstly, banging sticks into the ground may well cause vibrations that will scare off fish, however, leaving lines out all night is not recommended without some sort of alarm (ask any carp angler). Unfortunately we can’t locate a manufacturer of luminous bank sticks, perhaps you can paint them yourself – www.windscalecoatings.com might be able to help. Are there any other pieces of advice we can offer, perhaps matching hook sizes to baits, things like that?

PZ
Not have problem with hooky sizings, always using is big barby ones, but breaking strainers of lines is advice needed. We are reading of matching breaking strainers to test curvings of rods. This is not much use to us, as mostly is hand lines on winders we are doing. Pleased too know best strength needed for the hauling up huge batches of fishes, is bad news for lines to be breaking and for us to be losing catches.

FM
Are you aware that anyone fishing in England is required to purchase a Rod Licence before they can start fishing?

PZ
Yes, but we are having problems with Rod Licensings, and helping please, because Environmental Agents is not upkeeping bargain is our opinion. Paying for the fishing no problems, but is right to expect drains and rivers to be kept clear for nettings, no? Many times we are hauling out trolleys and bikes, makes holes in nettings. Environmental Agents needs to get clearings up done fast time, getting snags in nets is losing us fishing time, and holes is losing some fishes, also is. Also, perhaps our brother fishers can be showing us knots for netting repairs, on forum maybes? Maybes on favourite Ribble threads ready for when we next sneaks into internet caf

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