Kevin Perkins is one of those anglers who sees both the funny and darker side of life, and there are plenty of funny and dark goings-on in fishing. He’s the Alternative Angler who sees that side of things that most of us miss because we’re too busy going about the serious business of catching fish and often missing the strange, the satirical, and the plain comical along the way.
Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the whacky side of fishing life and grab a laugh or a lament along the way.
Tickle Tackle, Latest Products Press Release
In these difficult economic times, there are always a few, admittedly very few, forward thinking companies that can find opportunities to drive business forward. Tickletackle have come up with some out of the box thinking that links those who are in receipt of large redundancy payments with the ever-expanding number of people who find they have more time on their hands to go fishing.
The latest TickleTackle product launch is a carefully chosen range of fishing based franchises offering some never before seen products and services, with particular appeal to long-stay anglers. This is seen to be one of the few growth areas in these difficult times, and some of those investment opportunities are listed below:
Shake-A-Wake
Even been rudely waken up by a raucous bite alarm going off just as you are drifting off into the arms of Morpheus? Then Shake-A-Wake is just the thing for you. Remotely activated by your (now silent) bite alarm, this device placed under your shoulder will gently shake you from your slumbers with a vibration that starts with gentle buzzing but, if ignored will grow to a crescendo of motion that will hit Richter 7.5.
Coupled to that it has an audible voice alarm that starts with a young lady murmuring ‘Darling I think you should get up’ through to a final synthesized copy of your own good lady bellowing ‘GET YOUR LAZY AR5E OUT OF BED’ at 120 decibels. That should be more than enough to tip you out of your bedchair.
Swym-Gym
Mobile Exercise Emporiums. Roll up outside some long stay angler’s bivvy and offer them a chance to use your well-equipped mobile gym right on the bankside. Running and rowing machines, weights and sit-up will all be available. If just eight hours on a plane puts you at risk of DVT, just imagine what 48 hours sat on the bank side will expose you too. Can you afford to run that risk? Might also help to shift some of those kebabs, cans of beer, bacon sandwiches, crisps, Mars bars and other long stay essentials……..
Mayd-Up
Visiting evening maid service. A team of delightful young ladies will pass from bivvy to bivvy, giving a homely touch to your long stay session. Bedchair pillows will be fluffed, sleeping bags will be turned down and mints will be left on pillows. A new version of the Goblyn Teasmayde has also been launched, details available on request.
These services have been made possible by an influx onto the job market of a large number of young ladies who previously held many varied positions at Furkham Hall. The high turnover of staff at this establishment in no reflection on the young ladies attributes, but has more to do with the antics of the priapic satyr who resides there, we understand.
Biv-E-An
Something completely different here, in that it is actually a revenue generator. The kit supplied includes a guttering system that clips round the periphery of your bivvy. This collects rainwater, which then funnels into a collecting tank. From this tank the water is then passed through a volcanic filter (well, a pumice stone from Boots) and the resultant, perfectly pure water is bottled and sold on to any gullible passing joggers, dog walkers, twitchers etc as the purest mineral water they can get. Has to be a winner….!
Sky-Fi
Tired of squinting at a small portable TV during those long lonely nights on the bank? Then this total entertainment package is for you. A camouflaged Sky dish is attached to your bivvy and the HD signal is fed to a 50” screen mounted on the wall of your bivvy. But you say, I don’t have room for that…. Well you do now as groundbreaking technology has produced a flat screen that is curved to fit snugly on the wall of your bivvy.
Prismatic glass fitted to the front of the TV means that there is no picture distortion whatsoever, and for spectacle wearers, this glass screen can be made up to very own your prescription. That might be a lot better for your eyes, but please be aware that the cost of this additional service will make them water – considerably.
Styltz
With global warming threatening to raise sea levels, it follows that river and lake levels will rise too. Make sure you’re not caught napping with a Styltz platform under your bivvy. Hydraulic rams will raise you above any rising water levels and keep you safe and dry. Two versions are available.
Pumping a lever on the platform to operate the mechanism raises the manual system. Although the cheaper option, it will require you to get up out of you bed chair and unzip your bivvy every now (maybe as often as once a day) and then to check on water levels. The automatic system has a ball cock mechanism under the platform, which senses any movement in water levels and adjusts the platform height to suit.
This means that you can stay snugly zipped up for days on end without any disturbances, which is what the majority of long stay anglers seem to want.
And finally….
tBay
Whilst TickleTackle have sailed on through the current economic downturn without a blip, they have noticed that some, and it must be stressed only very few of its customers are struggling to accrue the necessary wherewithal to purchase TT products. Realising that not all of their customers are RBS bankers with fat bonuses to burn, another method of making the brand more attainable has been found, but without cheapening it in any way.
Those proud owners who already possess TT items will be aware of the policy that forbids them selling said item. Once it’s yours, it’s your for life. The only way it will leave the owners presence is by way of inheritance, and many’s the squabble that has ensued once an item has been prised from the original owners cold dead hand.
With that in mind, TickleTackle are proud to launch a new venture, an online auction house called tBay. Here at last is a chance for current owners to give those less fortunate than themselves the opportunity to acquire genuine TT products at slightly more reasonable prices.
tBay will list the items for the seller whilst only charging a very modest mere 25% of the original purchase price. The seller will list the starting price at 50% of the item’s original price (tBay only taking 50% of any price achieved over this as commission), and the buyer will pay tBay the very reasonable price of 25% of the sale price for delivery.
Items will be delivered under cover of darkness by drivers using un-liveried vans so as not to attract unwanted attention from inquisitive neighbours regarding your latest acquisition. The fact that you may have had to put wives/girlfriends onto the streets and have sold your children into service in order to finance the purchase is another matter for you to explain away altogether…
