The Alternative Angler – TickleTackle Bargains

The Alternative Angler – TickleTackle Bargains

SpecTackle

A brand new product and just the kind of reverse thinking you expect from the TT boffins. Remember the joke ‘X-Ray Specs’ featured in adverts on the back cover of old comics? They promised that the wearer would be able to see through walls to espy trouble on the other side, copy work from the now transparent chap sat in front of you at school, and far, far more importantly, stare straight through ladies outer garments to reveal their under thingies, etc. (My pair didn’t work, unfortunately….).

Well, here, at last, is the breakthrough in concealment technology that anglers have been waiting for, and the real bonus is that you don’t have to walk round all camou’ed up and looking like an escapee from a NATO exercise.

All the clothing and tackle that you need to conceal will be coated with an incredibly complex light diffracting substance, which carries a unique identifying code within the arrangement of its molecules. This reflects all light except one tiny part of the spectrum and therefore makes the object appear invisible.

The only way you can then see the objects is to wear a pair of glasses which have the same unique code spectrum embedded in their lenses and are therefore able to read the hidden cipher. This is a similar process to the way that normal polarising glasses reduce glare, except in this application, the glasses highlight the products that only they can ‘see’.

The almost infinite number of molecular codes means that you are never going to be able to view anyone else’s tackle or clothing that has been coated in the same manner. Glasses will be available in a select few designer frames and can be made up to any prescription.

There are a couple of minor operating issues that need to be ironed out before the launch. The first being that the coating cannot be applied directly to the skin so impregnated gloves will be needed to conceal the hands, and a ski mask or similar will be needed to cover the face.

The second, however, is little bit trickier. Any SpecTackle wearer who is fully kitted up and has to answer a call of nature will leave a certain part of his anatomy very visible, apparently attached to nothing and floating in mid air…….

Once these glitches have been sorted, prices for the coating and linked code-reading glasses system can be finalised, but as with all TickleTackle products, expect it to be on the high side of eye wateringly expensive.

‘Solo’

Just as Hardly Bros come up with a new range of up-market coarse fishing rods and think they might have cornered the top end of the market, TickleTackle raise the bar once more. Taking the lead that excellence is nearly always down to purity, witness that many products are a distillation from a single source. Fine wines come from a single varietal, the very best champagnes contain only one type of grape, and single malt whisky does exactly what is says on the bottle, none of that blending malarkey.

With that in mind comes the launch of the ‘Solo’ range. Not just for one particular style of fishing, not even designed for a specific species, these exceedingly select and understandably unique rods are hand-built solely for targeting individual, named, fish.

No need for a limited, or numbered production run, each rod is a complete one-off. Simply send us the name of your target fish, whether it is Slackbelly the Carp, Spikey the Perch, Roamer the Barbel, Guzzler the Gudgeon, Rutty the Roach, Gnasher the Pike, Bolshie the Bullhead, it matters not a jot.

A custom-built, hand finished and uniquely personalised rod will be made for you to go off and angle for the singular fish of your dreams, secure in the knowledge that you have the only properly authorised equipment to do so.

Please note that we understand that you may inadvertently catch fish other than the one named on the rod, and for that reason you are allowed ten false captures before the rod will have to be returned and destroyed as you are obviously a rubbish angler. You won’t be seeing ‘Solo’ rods turning up on eBay. Brand exclusivity comes at a price and you’re just going to have to pay it.

For Carp and Barbel anglers, obviously a different set of rules are required, so please don’t forget to apply for multiple recapture licences. Doing the same thing over and over again has to come with a financial penalty, but after you’ve banked the same fish ten times, the same rules apply, return the rod for secure destruction then another lucky punter gets to have a rod built just for them.

Remember to register your interest in this utterly unique new product at your nearest authorised TickleTackle dealership. Sealed bids will be invited only from those who have previously expressed an interest and if you have to ask the price, you obviously can’t afford it

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Bowing to unprecedented demand from customers, TickleTackle have today announced that for the first time they will be issuing Gift Certificates to help a deserving angler’s friends and relatives to give their loved ones the present of their dreams at Christmas.

Vouchers with a value of £ 500 will be despatched with the full TickleTackle catalogue (not that you can buy many TT products for that amount) for the all inclusive bargain price of only £ 750, which includes post and packing. The perfect stocking filler, and only available in limited quantities, so be sure to order now to avoid disappointment…..