The Alternative Angler – TickleTackle T.H.E!

Kevin Perkins is one of those anglers who sees the funny side of life, and there are plenty of funny goings-on in fishing. He’s the Alternative Angler who sees that side of things that most of us miss because we’re too busy going about the serious business of catching fish and often missing the satire and laughs along the way.

Never mind smelling the flowers, don’t forget to take time out to see the satirical side of fishing life and grab a laugh along the way.

T.H.E. – TickleTackle Hyper Exclusive

Despite an impending recession, plummeting house values, the credit crunch and rampant inflation, there always is, and always will be, a demand for the very, very best. No real surprise then to find that Tickletackle’s latest ventures are a prime example of this.

In order to set standards and raise prices up to hitherto unheard of, almost stratospheric levels, a new, even more upmarket division of the TT organisation has been created which will be simply prefixed as ‘THE’, which stands for Tickletackle Hyper Exclusive.

THE Club

Membership is strictly by vetted invitation only, as this is an angling club with a real difference. Not just access to one small syndicate, but entry to a growing number of private waters throughout the UK. And these are not just any old venues, you will be joining an elite band of fellow anglers in pursuit of some quite specific, some would say, almost uncatchable quarry.

If you want exclusivity, you are guaranteed to find it here. Not only are the membership numbers tightly controlled, (as in any proper gentlemen’s club, blackballing is practised) making you part of a very rarefied gathering, there is an even higher echelon to aspire to. And that is to become one of those exceedingly rare individuals who has actually caught one of the specific species that his or her particular group are pursuing.

To give you some idea of the challenge, listed below are just a few of the organisations already signed up to THE Club:

Loch Lomond Carp Catchers

Redmire Bleak Association

Tewkesbury Weir Tenchfishers

Grand Union Canal Barbel Hunters

Pitsford Pussie Chasers*

Clattercote Salmon Appreciation Society

Welland Sturgeon Alliance

* We think it’s a catfish group – investigations are ongoing

THE Gear

Just when you thought that TickleTackle gear might be within your reach, the TT boys go and add a further level of refinement and rarity to make you start saving up all over again. Tickletackle Hyper Exclusive Gear means just that, exclusive. Bespoke individual items will be made specifically to your requirements and are therefore guaranteed to be unique.

Whilst customers will be allowed a modicum of input into the customisation of their tackle, Tickletackle reserve the right to veto any suggestions on the grounds of style and/or taste. Any hint of ‘bling’ will certainly not be permitted, and the likes of that chav Katie Price will not be getting her hands on any of our rods…

For those who demand the absolute pinnacle of exclusivity, TT have created the ‘Elite’ range, the only way to better a one-off is to make a none-off. Your chosen item of tackle will be commissioned by you, the TT stylists will draw up the plans to your exacting specifications and once you have transferred the eye-watering expensive development costs to TT’s offshore bankers a Certificate of Ownership will be produced.

The item of tackle will not be produced, the plans will be shredded and you alone hold all the rights to that item. You are left with something that can neither be bought nor sold, rendering it priceless. Can’t get any more exclusive than that!

And just to show their diversity, the ‘normal’ TT boffins have come up with a range of baits with an up-to-the-minute, exotic, Far-Eastern influence. Packaged in foil trays with flimsy cardboard tops they are unfortunately not guaranteed against leaking all over the place before you get to the bank side, watch out for the launch of:

Ori-Mental

The new Chinese meal based baits that fish go mad for, in exciting flavours such as 27, 14, 66, 18, 54, 102, 44, 18 and of course, the ever popular 83. All available with sweet and sour glug, and even if you think that you have stuffed the fish to the gills with baits; they will be ravenous again in half an hour and back for more.

Tickletackle Freeebies…..!!!!

Staunchly proud of their reputation for quality, Tickletackle obviously do not give out free gear for so-called ‘experts’ to evaluate. You won’t find any of their equipment on any comparison charts, and you most certainly won’t see it being marked out of ten or given a ‘star’ rating.

Nor do they bother with advertising, which would really be quite pointless when you have such long waiting lists for everything you make. But in an effort to add a little of the TT ‘halo’ effect to the lives of some of those on FM, an exceedingly limited number of stickers have been commissioned to highlight the new Hyper Exclusive range of products and services.

We have gone through sackfulls of begging letters and have sent stickers out to the FM members who we believe would genuinely want to own an item of TT equipment, but will never be able to do so. The lucky recipients will be able to proudly display the TT logo on their tackle boxes or back window of their cars in the hope that fellow anglers might just possibly think that they actually do possess an item from the TickleTackle range.

Stand by your letterboxes, it could be you…..!!!