Called to see my hairdresser last night – thought that a few highlights and a suntan might look nice for the show. Conversation went along the lines of...
HD: Everything ready?
BR: Aye, but I’ve had to spend hours creating a new slide.
HD: How come?
BR: That bloody Hazelford lot! Who’d have believed they’d have the gall to turn up after all the spouting they’ve done. Now they’re coming it would be rude not to insult them. Tell me, why on earth do you think they are coming? It’s pretty hypocritical if you ask me.
HD: Sigh..., I guess it’s just moths to a flame.
BR: Aye, you’re probably right... moths to a flame.
HD: It’s a bit over the top, what you’ve done mind.
BR: You think so?
HD: Aye. It’s bound to upset ‘em.
BR: So? F*** ‘em. They don’t have to come. Don’t they have a sense of humour?
HD: Not even a funny bone between ‘em. Trouble is the slideshow’s in the DVSG name not yours. It’s bound to kick off yer know...
BR: Awkward that.
HD: So are you gonna pull the slide?
BR: Are you kidding? Look at it this way, does the show make fun of you and me? And Mike? Adam, Trev, Andy?
HD: Especially Andy.
BR: And Ron? Swordsey? Martin?
HD: And Matt Hayes.
BR: Barbel Society?
HD: PAC, too.
BR: Then what’s sauce for the goose... Hey! I’ll tell yer what. Why don’t we just ban them from coming – OR - let’s make it a syndicate in reverse. We can allow punters in for £4 – sort of like a Barnsley day ticket and the HPS mob can pay £50 a head and occupy the room for a full year.
HD: Yeah, but won’t they just want the best seats?
BR: Of course they will. But think of the benefits. We’ll raise loads more money for the Chernobyl kids and the landlord won’t need to pay for door staff. Plus they’ll clean the place up after everyone’s gone home...